Comedian and LA resident Patton Oswalt gave friend Jerry Seinfeld a tour of America's newest emerging hipster stomping grounds during the most recent episode of Seinfeld's web series "Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee."
Uncomfortably seated at Handsome Coffee Roasters (sorry, no sweeteners served here) in rapidly gentrifying downtown LA, Oswalt laid out all the qualities one needs to fit in a downtown LA hipster -- and it's not pretty.
According to Oswalt, downtown LA's hipsters are condescending, moody and just a little bit racist. At the same time, they're impossibly hip and on the vanguard of the latest art and fashion trends, so there are pluses and minuses. We've laid out all of Oswalt's suggestions for how to become a downtown LA hipster (or how to watch out for one), with helpful illustrations for each.
THE DOWNTOWN LA STARTER KIT
According to Patton Oswalt
A French Bulldog
"You need a really overbred, not healthy dog, like a french bulldog or something that's been bred for a certain look but it's also kind of dying. When you walk it around, it has to have a harness because its neck is all messed up."
Be A Diversity-Friendly White Person
"You have to be very white, and you read Salon.com. And you're all about, I'm very, very comfortable with diversity, but secretly, you're terrified of other races."
Wear Subdued Colors
"You're serious, man. Very, very serious."
Comfy Custom Sneakers
"You need very comfortable sneakers, but they have to be the kind that you went to a pop-up store -- when they were making them custom, the designs."
A World War I British Messenger Bag
"You need like a World War I British Messenger Bag, and that's where you put you laptop in."
Operate An Etsy Store, Have A Graffitied Loft
"If you have any bright colors it's either going to be on your Etsy site or it's going to be on the graffiti art that you paid to put on the inside of your work-loft space, to show how eclectic and dangerous you are."
Seinfeld, enlightened after a crash course on downtown LA's newest residents, only has one thing to say to Oswalt:
"You've ruined this whole neighborhood for yourself, you realize that? Now you can't move down here." We have a sneaking suspicion that Oswalt is just fine with that.
Support HuffPost
Our 2024 Coverage Needs You
Your Loyalty Means The World To Us
At HuffPost, we believe that everyone needs high-quality journalism, but we understand that not everyone can afford to pay for expensive news subscriptions. That is why we are committed to providing deeply reported, carefully fact-checked news that is freely accessible to everyone.
Whether you come to HuffPost for updates on the 2024 presidential race, hard-hitting investigations into critical issues facing our country today, or trending stories that make you laugh, we appreciate you. The truth is, news costs money to produce, and we are proud that we have never put our stories behind an expensive paywall.
Would you join us to help keep our stories free for all? Your contribution of as little as $2 will go a long way.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
As Americans head to the polls in 2024, the very future of our country is at stake. At HuffPost, we believe that a free press is critical to creating well-informed voters. That's why our journalism is free for everyone, even though other newsrooms retreat behind expensive paywalls.
Our journalists will continue to cover the twists and turns during this historic presidential election. With your help, we'll bring you hard-hitting investigations, well-researched analysis and timely takes you can't find elsewhere. Reporting in this current political climate is a responsibility we do not take lightly, and we thank you for your support.
Contribute as little as $2 to keep our news free for all.
Can't afford to donate? Support HuffPost by creating a free account and log in while you read.
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. Would you consider becoming a regular HuffPost contributor?
Dear HuffPost Reader
Thank you for your past contribution to HuffPost. We are sincerely grateful for readers like you who help us ensure that we can keep our journalism free for everyone.
The stakes are high this year, and our 2024 coverage could use continued support. If circumstances have changed since you last contributed, we hope you’ll consider contributing to HuffPost once more.
Support HuffPostAlready contributed? Log in to hide these messages.