Full Planning, Partial Planning and Month Of Coordination are the three basic packages that almost every wedding planner can offer their clients. Full planning is the best option for couples looking for guidance every step of the way, including finding the perfect venue and handling all of the other details. The planner is then going to make countless recommendations to the couple based on their desires and budget for the venue and each and every vendor. The best part about this, is the couple is getting recommendations from a wedding planner and not just booking vendors based on website reviews. Testimonials are great and everything, but since you never know whom the author actually is, getting a recommendation from your planner (who's job is on the line) holds a bit more water.
However, many couples choose to go out on their own and some get overwhelmed enough to bring in a planner half-way through the planning process, while others go the distance and are just looking for some help in the month or two leading up to the wedding. The more planning the couple does, the more vendors they book on their own. And many of these vendors might not like the idea of a wedding planner getting involved at any stage.
For instance, there are many venues that I could name (but I won't because I'm not in the mood for a lawsuit) that are "anti-planner". This means that they will tell a couple that a planner is "not needed" at their venue because they handle everything. It's a common occurrence for a "partial planning" or "month of" coordination client to tell me that their venue coordinator said they didn't need a planner. The problem is, there is a huge difference between a wedding planner and a venue coordinator. If your make up artist gets lost going to your location at 5am, they aren't going to call anyone associated with the venue. And if you don't have a wedding planner, they are going to call you. Yay! Stress at sunrise!
But why would a venue tell a couple that a planner isn't needed, especially when they quite possibly believe the opposite to be true? This is what I like to call "planner pushback". It basically exists because there are new "planners" popping up every day with no experience other than planning (maybe) their own wedding. These planners go into these venues, have no idea how to do their own job, and yet take it upon themselves to tell the venue how to do their job.
This is not just a venue issue either, because many vendors don't want to work with a planner either. While the idea of a planner might be great to a couple, since there is the notion that everyone can just wake up one day and be a wedding planner, it sometimes feels like everyone actually is. Thus, venues and vendors want to push back and will tell their clients that one isn't necessary. In reality, many of them might want to say (and some even do) that they only work with their preferred planners. "Preferred" meaning planners they have experience with, that bring them repeat business, that know what they are doing, and that don't step on their toes. With that said, if you already have your venue and vendors in place and want a planner, it's a great idea to ask them to recommend someone.
I have heard horror stories of just how planners act and interact with venues and vendors. In fact, very early in my career and still to this day, whenever I have to introduce myself to vendors on a "partial planning" or "MOC" wedding, I typically lead with the following: Hi, I'm Danielle Rothweiler, the wedding planner, and I promise you'll like me because I will actually allow you to do your job. I also understand that many planners suck, but I'm awesome, so don't worry.
Normally that goes a long way, especially with the vendor that was already thinking that working with a planner would be a nightmare. Sometimes the vendor or venue will just laugh off that statement (even though I can tell they are anti-planner) and give a passive response about how they welcome planners and aren't concerned. One of the things that I love is when that type of venue or vendor admits to me at the end of a wedding that they don't like planners but actually really enjoyed working with me. Mission accomplished.
The thing is, playing nice in the sandbox is not that difficult. I used the word "team" in the beginning of this article because that is what the venue and vendors are on the wedding day: a team. It's important that everyone can work together because otherwise the wedding could fall apart. This requires a high level of transparency amongst the team members, plenty of communication, and checking egos at the door.
Many planners, including experienced ones, cause "planner pushback" by being demanding, rude and generally full of themselves. While a couple wants a planner that will work for them to design and execute the best wedding possible, it's not a good idea to hire a planner that has a chip on their shoulder and will argue with the venue and vendors over everything. You want a planner that will be honest with you about your expectations, not one that promises to get things done that they know aren't going to happen.
Venue coordinators have told me stories about planners coming to a meeting with their clients and making outrageous demands that either were not possible or outside the scope of the contract that had already been signed. Some planners take the route where they can blame the venue and the vendors so that they look better to their clients. The planners that do that are creating planner pushback and believe me, one of the "must have" qualities you want in your planner is that they are someone that others want to work with. It's important for planners to have solid relationships with venues and that there is a mutual respect. Ever heard the saying "you catch more flies with honey instead of vinegar?" It largely applies here and a good planner knows that.
The idea of having a planner that will make you their number one priority and will fight to get you everything you want is incredibly appealing to many couples. Heck, one of the benefits of hiring a planner is their established relationship with venues and vendors and the idea that the planner can bring them repeat business. It's a great sales pitch to an engaged couple that you will have someone essentially getting things handled by any means necessary. It's also complete garbage because not everything is always possible and a good planner will tell their clients just that.
On the other side of the planner spectrum away from those that don't know how to communicate, are those that don't communicate at all. At whatever point a planner is brought on (assuming not from the beginning), the planner typically reaches out to everyone on the team to touch base and introduce themselves. The main reason "month of" coordination has become so popular is because a planner will design the timeline and handle the overwhelming (and boring) details for the wedding day. A huge problem arises though when the timeline is designed by the planner without any input from the rest of the team.
Frankly, I have no idea what time the linens will be down, how long the band needs to set up, when salad is plated, what time the bride needs to be in her gown, and so forth. In order to put together a timeline for the entire day, the entire team needs to be involved, and the planner is in charge of putting it all together. Yet, I have heard from venues and vendors I am working with at the time, that it's the first time a planner has ever contacted them to design a timeline collectively. In fact, there are vendors that have told me there was a planner on a wedding they worked on, and they had no idea there was even a planner involved.
The disrespect that some planners show to venues and vendors, sometimes coupled with (and sometimes just one or the other) their lack of knowledge, is causing and will continue to cause planner pushback. Due to the "anyone can be a planner" thing going on, this problem isn't likely to go away. Again, it's beyond satisfying to me when a venue or vendor tells me that they were expecting a nightmare when they heard a planner was involved, but instead were pleasantly surprised.
Now, I also have heard moans of "that's not fair" from many planners receiving said pushback. Honestly, it's just the way it is, and as long as the planner does their job and doesn't throw a tantrum, venues and vendors might start coming around. There will always be the venues that are anti-planner and there will be nothing a planner can do to change that. And that's fine. Since there are thousands of venues and vendors, it's not exactly the end of the world if a handful will never like planners. However, if you (the couple) hires a planner and your venue and vendors all hate them, it might not be planner pushback, but rather your planner getting pushed back.
I am a huge advocate of hiring a planner before taking a single step forward planning your wedding. The main reason I believe in getting a planner first, is so they can help figure out the best way to allocate the budget instead of blowing it all in one place. However, not every couple picks the planner first, and planner pushback is something that I and every other planner will be dealing with for the rest of our careers. It's important to hire a planner that not only isn't the reason for the pushback existing, but that can handle the pushback with grace, all while respecting the team already established for the wedding day. If you find yourself looking for a planner while already knee or waist deep in the details, strongly consider asking your venue and (not or) vendors for their recommendations. Even though you might hear planner pushback, odds are, the best planner for the job is someone that your team suggests.