President Bush Is Really, Really High

President Bush must be knocking back some 420 from Humboldt if he expects us to buy this plan. In fact, I have photographic proof he's toasted. Note the ornate water bong on the mantel behind him.

Someone forgot to hide his bong

This address was, from beginning to end, a flim-flam. The president's "new way forward" contained so many loopholes we'd all have to be as high as him to actually believe it.

He said the attacks on our soldiers and the Iraqi people will continue despite the escalation. He said there won't be a traditional victory -- or "surrender" on a battleship, which called to mind the USS Abraham Lincoln more than it did the Japanese surrender at the end of World War II. He only outlined a plan for securing Baghdad, while his surge into Anbar, the deadliest province in the country, will constitute just one-fourth of the surge and thus leaving the al-Qaeda stronghold almost untouched. He reached across (around) the aisle to rim job his ally in the Lieberman for Connecticut Party which means absolutely nothing other than the president is now open to exclusive shout-outs to members of Congress who give it up. And when we officially engage in hostilities against Syria and Iran, he can say that he told us he would.

So in other words, the escalation of military action in Iraq leaves the president with a pile of additional excuses to wheel out when the casualties continue to stack up and the conditions on the ground continue to deteriorate. "But I said the violence would continue," he'll say months from now. "But, eh eh, you didn't listen to me, Stretch, when I said there won't be a traditional victory," he'll whine in a press conference. "But I never said that we'd fully secure Anbar," he'll mention when our military is chased out of Fallujah and Ramadi.

After four long years, and countless bloody mistakes, we should never forgive him. We should never accept his "the responsibility rests with me" lip service. No-one should be allowed another shot after bungling four years of war in which tens, if not hundreds, of thousands have been killed for politics and oil. No-one should be allowed an inch of latitude after appearing on television (with or without a bong) asking for more chances -- especially after six years of flaunting a brazen, petulant, arrogant and condescending attitude about this and other issues; the teasing and eh-eh-eh giggling and brush clearing while the nation's democracy and credibility burns all around us.

The president's surge, by his own admission, won't amount to victory. It won't amount to less violence. And he won't compromise. This is an escalation of American warfare throughout the broader Middle East -- unless he can be stopped. The good news is that it's easy to stop someone who's so flippin' high. Note to Democrats who intend to meet with the president: bring nachos.