Pumpkin Is The Spice Of Latte

If you or your loved ones are experiencing any of these symptoms, please send a Hotline Bling to your friendly neighborhood Pumpkin Spice Latte dealer and remember-never, ever go cold turkey off of Pumpkin Spice Latte. The results could be horrible.
09/22/2016 12:13 pm ET Updated Sep 13, 2017
Autumn Pumpkin Spice Latte with Milk and Cream
Autumn Pumpkin Spice Latte with Milk and Cream

Well, here it is-that moment we've all been waiting for...Pumpkin Spice Latte season-A.K.A. Cat Lady Christmas. By the time you read this, most coffee shops will have already launched their Pumpkiny goodness for sale to the masses virtually tilting the earth to start the autumnal equinox early. Thank God, because we've been waiting for it the entire summer.

Although some companies are attempting to persuade the non-believers there IS actual pumpkin in their pumpkin spice lattes, in most of the orange stained mugs there are no traces of this species of the genus Cucurbita to be found. No worries for the mass retailers of the caffeinated nectar of the cat lady gods-sales seem to continue go no where but up. What are the actual ingredients of The PSL (Pumpkin Spice Latte) anyway? One major retailer lists it's ingredients as:

'Milk, Pumpkin Spice Sauce [Sugar, Condensed Skim Milk, Pumpkin Puree, Contains 2% Or Less Of Fruit And Vegetable Juice For Color, Natural Flavors, Annatto, Salt, Potassium Sorbate], Brewed Espresso, Whipped Cream [Cream (Cream, Milk, Mono And Diglycerides, Carrageenan), Vanilla Syrup (Sugar, Water, Natural Flavors...' -http://www.starbucks.com/menu/drinks/espresso/pumpkin-spice-latte

I DID see 'Pumpkin puree' in there, but what in the world is all that other stuff? I expected to see methamphetamine or some other addictive substance that keeps me awake for 72 hours straight because halfway through my first one, I'm already thinking about where I'll be getting the 3rd one I'll be drinking that day.

Whatever it's made of, we all want some. Unfortunately it can have some wild side effects you should be aware of:

1) The unhealthy love of anything Pumpkin.
Perhaps the PSL bonds with blood cells or simply becomes your new blood type...either way, your affection for anything Pumpkin will increase 1,000 times with an inordinate consumption of PSL.

2) An obsession with collecting cats.
Oh yes, the Cat Side of The Force is strong with The Pumpkin Spice Latte. If you're not a fan of cats, drinking this liquid love will soon have you coughing up hairballs of love...and Pumpkin Spice Lattes.

3) A fondness of Fall.
Whether it's boots, flannel, scarves, decorations, hayrides, festivals, fingerless knit gloves or whatever your fancy-the love of the latte will have you decorating in early August.

If you or your loved ones are experiencing any of these symptoms, please send a Hotline Bling to your friendly neighborhood Pumpkin Spice Latte dealer and remember-never, ever go cold turkey off of Pumpkin Spice Latte. The results could be horrible.