COMEDY
03/24/2016 05:29 pm ET

Signs You May Have Trump Supporter Syndrome, or S.T.U.P.I.D.

Have you been exposed to "Support for Trump's Unreal Policies Infecting the Dumb"?

Have you recently been experiencing unreasonable, violent or curmudgeony thoughts towards people who've done nothing wrong? This election cycle has taken its toll on everyone's immune system and its ability to fight off bullshit.

It's possible that you might have been exposed to Support for Trump's Unreal Policies Infecting the Dumb, or S.T.U.P.I.D.

Here are some symptoms and ways to identify if you're afflicted with S.T.U.P.I.D.:

  • Sore throat ... Are you repeatedly yelling "USA," "build that wall," or just at minorities in general?
    George Marks via Getty Images
  • Fatigue ... Do you find yourself getting in an increasing number of violent, physical acts?
    SuperStock via Getty Images
  • Headache ... Did you recently attend a speech where the average syllable count of words hit over two?
    SuperStock via Getty Images
  • Increased mucus ... Are habitual lies being jammed down your gullet, perhaps requiring an increased production of mucus to lubricate said gullet?
    FPG via Getty Images
  • Confusion and dizziness ... Does your candidate say one thing, only to say the opposite not long after?
    George Marks via Getty Images
  • Fever ... Does the idea of people who don't look like you being in your country burn you up?
    H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock via Getty Images
  • Bloodshot eyes or blindness ... Have you been spending an inordinate amount of time watching Obama birther conspiracy videos on YouTube?
    Getty
  • Sweats ... Are you worried someone's coming to get your guns? ... Because they are. Who? You know ... THEY.
    H. Armstrong Roberts/ClassicStock via Getty Images
  • Muscle spasms ... Do your right arm, hand and fingers go rigid, forcing your limb up and outward in a saluting motion?

 

Once you know for sure that you have S.T.U.P.I.D., immediately consult your local librarian. Read up on unfamiliar cultures, people and lifestyles. A regular dose of this and you'll realize how similar we all are in no time!

 

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