Six Easy Steps to Finding an Attorney General

11/05/2007 01:14 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

Method of conclusively determining whether a nominee for office regards a particular practice as "torture."

Step 1. - Subject nominee to the practice under debate.
Step 2. - Ask if nominee believes he/she is being "tortured."
Step 3. - Note nominee's response.
Step 4. - Repeat Steps 1 through 3 without pause for sixteen hours.
Step 5. - Following appropriate medical attention, release nominee.
Step 6. - Deliver transcript of nominee's responses to Congress.

END