COMEDY
01/11/2017 06:22 pm ET

That #TrumpPressConference Table Was So STACKED, Trump Fell In Love With It

Now who's nasty?

Many words came to mind in the midst of watching Donald Trump’s press conference on Wednesday. Words like “Gah!” and “Huh?” and [audible gag].

But while people were focused on pesky, unimportant things like conflicts of interest and ethics, they completely missed the love story that happened right before their very eyes. 

It involved Trump, a table full of stacked papers and folders ... and a fiery lust.

  • Okay, let's do this press confer --- whoa, who is that table stacked with papers?
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • Be cool. Pretend you're not interested.
    Lucas Jackson / Reuters
  • [Table stacked with papers reacts.]
    Lucas Jackson / Reuters
  • Oh yeah, that table is staaaaaacked. With papers.
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • I'd ream the hell out of that paper.
    Lucas Jackson / Reuters
  • Hmmm, I think this table of papers might be a 10.
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • Speaking of numbers, I would No. 2 pencil all over that.
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • Speaking of "wood."
    Evan Vucci/AP
  • Oof, feeling a little flushed. This table of stacked papers is doing something to me.
    Spencer Platt via Getty Images
  • Hey! Mike! Why don't you take a picture of the stacks, it'll last longer.
    Spencer Platt via Getty Images
  • "Word on the street is the table stacked with paper is single. And interested."
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • Well, well, well. Still got it, Donald.
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • Listen, I'm sorry I yelled at you about the table of papers. You don't think it has any S-Tree-Ds, do you? Ahh, I kid, get outta here you little rascal!
    Lucas Jackson / Reuters
  • OK, so the reports of me doing nasty things in a Moscow hotel room are ... um ...
    DON EMMERT via Getty Images
  • Sorry, I can't concentrate up here with that table of papers!
    Lucas Jackson / Reuters
  • Now, would I do nasty things to this stacked table of paper and folders?
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • ...
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • Yes, unequivocally. I would do amazing things, incredible things, to that table of stacked paper and folders.
    Shannon Stapleton / Reuters
  • I'd be all, "Oh yeah, mmm, oh yeah, that's it."
    DON EMMERT via Getty Images
  • I'd have paper cuts everywhere.
    Bloomberg via Getty Images
  • But I'm sure your garbage news site would try to make me look like some kind of sicko.
    DON EMMERT via Getty Images
  • But to answer the question you didn't ask, yes I'll be honored to serve this country with these hot pieces of paper at my side.
    Spencer Platt via Getty Images
  • OK, I'm being told we have important table to do -- gah, work, I mean work!
    Seth Wenig/AP
  • Thank you so much for being here.
    DON EMMERT via Getty Images
  • Oh crap, it's that chair from the debate. Let's get out of here.
    See: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/donald-trump-fell-in-love-with-his-debate-chair-right-before-our-eyes_us_57
  • Have the table of stacked papers brought to me.
    TIMOTHY A. CLARY via Getty Images
  • "President-elect Trump requests your presence in his room."
    Lucas Jackson / Reuters
  • Steve Bannon goes to watch.
    Spencer Platt via Getty Images
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