The #1 reason your man won’t step up his game

04/27/2016 04:27 pm ET
The reason your man won’t step up is because he can’t. And by can’t I don’t mean that he does not have the ability or know how. And it’s not because he does not have potential or ambition either. 
 
The real reason your man will not step us is because of you. 
 
Now before you go ape sh*t crazy on me, hear me out. 
 
I worked with a woman who runs a successful business. In her business she is the head chick in charge (H.C.I.C). She calls the shots and makes the magic. She heads a team of badasses, she makes moves, and clocks big dollars. Cha-Ching! 
 
She is the main breadwinner in her family. Her business supports her entire life. 
 
When she came to me, she complained that her husband wasn’t assertive enough. She was completely okay with the fact that he made less money than she did. She was okay with the fact that he spent more time with the kids, because his schedule afforded that. But she was not okay with the fact that he didn’t seem to make any of the big decisions. She wanted him to step up into his “maleness.” And although they have discussed it over and over again, nothing seemed to change. 
 
Then I told her something she did not want to hear. “Your husband cannot be in his masculine, because your masculine energy dominates the space.” 
 
Of course that didn't go over too well with her. She was basically like “WTF!” 
 
I went on to explain to her that masculine and feminine energy permeates the universe. I’m talking about yin and yang. These seemingly opposing energies are actually complimentary. They fit together to create wholeness.
 
Every living thing has masculine and feminine energy coursing through it, including you. And the more you step up as your empowered self, the more masculine energy you assert. And that masculine energy is can throw your partner off his center. 
 
All partnerships need that yin and yang energy.
 
This is not about gender.
 
It does not matter if the relationship is male/male, female/female, or male/female. That complimentary energy is always present. And when one person dominates from the masculine, the other will naturally, and likely unconsciously, lean into their feminine (and vice versa). 
 
What happens when there are two people who dominate from the masculine (or the feminine)?
 
The relationship will collapse. Because...

Yin/yin or yang/yang cannot coexist in harmony. Period. 

 
The universal design of masculine and feminine energy is intentional. It is designed this way because it works. This is not about one person dominating the other. It’s not about battling wills. It is about balance and compatibility. 
 
Masculine energy is about focus, structure, and action. 
 
Feminine energy is about creativity, receiving, and flow. 
 
While balance would be an optimal state, you may find that you operate from one more than the other.  
 
As a woman, you have been conditioned to believe that you must reject, suppress, or avoid leaning into your masculine, because masculine energy is often confused with being “manly.” But this energy has NOTHING to do with gender, and it is important to embrace this part of yourself.
 
But it is equally important to embrace your feminine, even if you are the H.C.I.C. of a multi-million dollar company. Leaning into the feminine will activate your intuition, reduce stress, and increase connection + intimacy in your relationship(s).
 
Learning to move between the masculine and the feminine takes practice, but this skill will change your entire life. It is possible to run a successful business and embrace your feminine self. You can call the shots at work and give your partner space to make decisions, together, at home. 
 
You do not have to choose, you can have both. But first you have to soften and lean into your feminine a little bit more, on purpose
 
Here are three easy + sensual ways to raise your feminine energy fast:
 
  1. Clean out your panty drawer - get rid of any panties that don’t make you feel feminine and sexy. 
  2. Create a sensual mantra for the day - “I love and accept the truth that I am a beautiful, empowered, sensual woman.”
  3. Dance daily - 2 songs, fluid movement, no rules. Just let your body go wherever it wants to go.
Remember to stay open. You do not have to surrender your power to embrace your feminine. And you don’t have to bully people around to embrace your masculine. As you move through life, you will embody different aspects of both energies.  And you can use the power of intention + consciousness to create harmony in your relationship. 
 
Stacey is a body love + pleasure coach for women who are ready to enjoy, explore, and hear the wisdom of their bodies. Her sensuality focused work, helps her clients to be more present and cultivate deeper relationships. Stacey enjoys helping women to bridge the gap between sensuality, sexuality, and spirituality. Because life is meant to be sacred + delicious.
 
Jumpstart your sensual journey with Stacey's e-course: Intro to Sensuality: a path to a sensual NEW YOU 
This post was published on the now-closed HuffPost Contributor platform. Contributors control their own work and posted freely to our site. If you need to flag this entry as abusive, send us an email.
CONVERSATIONS