The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― and succinct ― wit. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious musings of 280 characters or under.
Scroll through this week’s great tweets from women below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets of the Week newsletter here.
Like Gmail, my body periodically updates to a worse version, with little warning and against my will.
— Sarah Archer (@SarahArcherM) February 24, 2019
It’s addictive, and it kills you slowly. Sugar is a drug. Yes I may be in the pocket of Big Broccoli.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) February 25, 2019
steve martin in the streets, steve buscemi in the sheets
— beth mccoll (@imteddybless) February 25, 2019
i like to imagine all therapy dogs sitting up on couches with bifocals patiently listening and taking notes
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 24, 2019
Therapist: “How were your twenties?”
— Jen Winston (@jenerous) February 28, 2019
Me: pic.twitter.com/GAwhCzfkJ8
Also my husband: If Beale Street Could Talk, The Green Book would interrupt it...
— Safiya Umoja Noble PhD (@safiyanoble) February 25, 2019
lady gaga and bradley cooper singing the shallows somehow got me pregnant
— ziwe (@ziwe) February 25, 2019
Friends: Nicole, this is a *casual brunch. Nothing fancy, please, just-
— Nicole 🖖🏾🌹 (@alamanecer) February 26, 2019
Me: pic.twitter.com/szc5fHstNJ
good morning i just hopped in the shower with my underwear still on it’s gonna be a great week
— bananafanafofisa (@lisaxy424) February 25, 2019
Me watching Grease at 15: why did they cast a 46 year old woman to play Rizzo
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) February 24, 2019
Me watching Grease at 28: yeah why DID they cast a 46 year old woman to play Rizzo
How My Family Stopped Clapping Back and Started Clapping Forward
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) February 26, 2019
Chris Evans wins Best at Supporting Actress pic.twitter.com/88fkS0c3Jr
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) February 25, 2019
Honestly, I had no business singing Jewel’s “You Were Meant for Me” when I was in the 3rd grade at the talent show.
— jackie (@jackiecarbajal) February 27, 2019
I can’t believe it’s 2019 and my hair still gets stuck to my lip gloss.
— Lilly Singh (@IISuperwomanII) February 23, 2019
*me whenever something good happens* pic.twitter.com/e5LJwVxHfU
— Abby Norman (@abbymnorman) February 25, 2019
One thing I think about a lot is that when you’re a kid, you just assume the grownups know what they are doing and are all acting reasonably.
— Lizzie O'Leary (@lizzieohreally) February 27, 2019
And then you find out it’s all a clown car on acid.
do people deal with sadness in other ways besides lots of online shopping? cannot relate
— farwz (@farwzz) February 28, 2019
As I drift off to sleep with one foot over the covers, I wonder if the Monster Under The Bed knows I’m ticklish.
— Just J (@junejuly12) February 28, 2019
I'm sorry things suck.
— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) February 28, 2019
But they do.
-Inspirational
Mood swings are my primary source of cardio.
— Elle (@ellentee) February 26, 2019
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