The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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if talking about my plans to work out were an actual workout, I would be ... the rock
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) November 4, 2018
Me: expecto patronum!
— Laurazepam (@andlikelaura) November 9, 2018
[30 minutes later a sloth crawls out of the wand and goes to sleep]
Me age 26: “who the hell cant hold a plank for 60 seconds? It’s one minute my grandmother could hold a plank for that long imagine being so unfit”
— Scorp:igbo 🌒 (@VanessaIfeoma) November 8, 2018
Me now: pic.twitter.com/7lh8YdBTf8
Voted. Ate my sticker. High-fived a bald eagle.
— Maureen Johnson (@maureenjohnson) November 6, 2018
yes the rumors are true i care about ariana grande more than any person in my life
— kate (@kaiteasley) November 4, 2018
When you didn't put on a bra to walk the dog, but some neighbors stopped you to chat about the trash cans. pic.twitter.com/PzVnc0CB4g
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 4, 2018
[SINGS IN 'LION KING' VOICE]
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) November 9, 2018
🎵"Oh i juuuuuust can't wait to be paidddd🎵
[Realizes payday is NEXT Friday, cries]
The only thing men bring to the table is the audacity
— aries (@proletariatitty) November 8, 2018
*to the tune of Your Body Is A Wonderland*
— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) November 3, 2018
My handbag is a junkyard
me: i want to sleep in tomorrow
— kelly (@kelllicopter) November 8, 2018
my brain (banging pots and pans together): rise and shine motherfucker it’s 7 am time to wake up and smell the existential dread
I’m gonna take care of myself and get in shape, but just for spite.
— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) November 5, 2018
All this time Ariana grande was actually the one with big dick energy
— Jen Ruggirello (@jenrigatoni) November 4, 2018
I’m going to introduce the tiny, useless pocket on my jacket sleeve to the tiny, useless pocket on my jeans so they can hook up and make tiny, useless pocket babies.
— Just J (@junejuly12) November 6, 2018
It's been dark outside for over an hour. Can I quit yet?
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) November 5, 2018
If Ruth Bader Ginsburg needs ribs I have like dozens of them that I'm not using, let's do this
— Anna Merlan (@annamerlan) November 8, 2018
There's nothing a tub of ice cream can't fix. It's like the duct tape of foods.
— Pru (@prufrockluvsong) November 6, 2018
can you imagine being a person in 1977 and 'the chain' by fleetwood mac comes out. what can you do besides lose your mind
— pelin (@meat_and_rice) November 5, 2018
if hank is short for henry then frank is short for frenry no more questions
— kim 🦃 (@KimmyMonte) November 8, 2018
Went to a farmer's market. Got whiskey and pie. Nailed it.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) November 3, 2018
Did you guys know that you can buy workout clothes and not workout in them? There’s no law against it, they don’t even check
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) November 8, 2018
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