The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
Me during interviews: I love challenges— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) October 28, 2018
Me day 1: if I have to fill out a form for direct deposit I don’t want it
The smoke alarm going off after midnight because I’m baking a frozen pizza is my anthem— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 31, 2018
Kid: Trick-or-Treating— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) October 31, 2018
Teen: haunted house
20s: House party
30s: Costume contest at a bar
40s: I dunno, maybe go get some candy to eat while we watch Nightmare on Elm Street? It all seems hard.
You know you’re annoyed when you wish you could hang up on the text convo.— Quinta. (@quintabrunson) October 29, 2018
Happy anniversary to the almond at the bottom of my purse.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 30, 2018
(hits service light)— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 29, 2018
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: “Yes miss, what is it you need?”
ME: “Is Mr. Rogers... hot?”
Me: “Like his whole deal is hot kind of.”
AIR MARSHALL: “Hi I’m the air marshall, u need to stop.”
ME: “No but like picture him.”
please i need to know how taylor swift feels about flu shots i am in the pharmacy and need answers fast— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 29, 2018
if you ever want to know when the newest MacBook comes out, it’s normally 5 days after I fucking buy one— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 30, 2018
Happy Halloween, or as it's known on Twitter, Dress Your Baby and/or Dog Like Ruth Bader Ginsburg Day— Sara B (@sara_bee) October 31, 2018
*friend posts pic with older guy*— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) October 31, 2018
me: oh wow hes cute. yall are cute together.
her: thats my dad.
me: he single tho or
it took me 15 years of eating them before I learned how to say “charcuterie” so the moral of this story is hard work and persistence pays off— Scaachi (@Scaachi) October 31, 2018
adult Halloween is doing a face mask and feeling mildly sick because you ate all the cookies your mom sent you in one sitting 🤷♀️— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) November 1, 2018
sharing a google doc is more intimate than having sex— t (@radioheadass) October 31, 2018
me at work: gonna start writing for fun again, gonna start a fashion blog, gonna write reviews for the movies i see, gonna start actually reading those books i bought, gonna exercise more regularly— kendall 🕸 (@kendall_l) October 30, 2018
me everyday when i get home: three hours in bed switching between like four apps
┏┓— Sammy Nickalls 👻 (@sammynickalls) November 1, 2018
┃┃╱╲ in this
;; anxiously delete our ;l
;; tweets like an hour ;;
╱╱ after tweeting ╲╲
How many times do you think I could say, “Woow, the costume of capitalism!” to a man in a suit before I get punched in the face— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 31, 2018
*leaves the house one time*— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) October 29, 2018
Time to start a travel adventure YouTube channel, the people need to see this
im pretty sure “perfect” skin is 90% genetics and a healthy emotional state but sure tell me about ur creams— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) October 30, 2018
ppl who get periods should not have to work on days 1 & 2.— claire schwartz (@23cschwartz) November 1, 2018
thank you for coming to my ted talk.