The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up their hilarious 280-character musings.
To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
My superpower is having another coffee I don't need— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 4, 2018
Ladies, if you think it’s okay to wear a shirt without a bra and I can see your whole ass nipples......you’d be correct that shits fire please keep doing that— mayana (@mayanakatherine) September 3, 2018
Accidentally referred to a Prius as a Hummus. That’s what it’s called now. I like your Toyota Hummus. I’m sorry I hit your Toyota Hummus— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) September 4, 2018
Single at 23: “I have to go out and meet someone!”— Allison Raskin (@AllisonRaskin) September 1, 2018
Single at 29: “If it’s meant to be the right person will find me in my home.”
I wonder who is laughing at me harder when I pack my bag for a vacation: my workout clothes or my book.— Molly McNearney (@mollymcnearney) September 3, 2018
The picture form of “what you not gone do” pic.twitter.com/1dXA8E7hhD— Jemele Hill (@jemelehill) September 6, 2018
Journalism is basically everything you hate about dating:— Hannah Al-Othman 🐝 (@HannahAlOthman) September 4, 2018
"They've read it and not replied, how long do I need to give it before I text again?"
"They've been online but they haven't read my message, have they done that on purpose?"
"What if they're speaking to somebody else?"
To All The Tabs I’ve Opened Before And Then Optimistically Saved As An Enormous Bookmark And Never Looked At Again— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) September 4, 2018
Tonight I am going to do yoga, and by do yoga I mean I am going to lie on my living room floor until my roommate's cat sits on my chest— Jill Capewell (@capeybara) September 4, 2018
I generously ballparked some NyQuil & now I don’t have a cold but I do have an idea for a new religion.— Morgan Murphy (@morgan_murphy) September 5, 2018
what is a meat pumpkin spice latte. i will eat it i don’t care pic.twitter.com/G6Hyl0riXX— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) September 5, 2018
Walking Luna & just got hollered at in a very affirming way by a guy who goes “DAMN girl bet you’re out here workin HARD to keep a house big enough to put that big ass DOG in!!” Sir honestly yes— Jia Tolentino (@jiatolentino) September 6, 2018
I haven’t been on Twitter much and I thought it would be good for my mental health except now I gotta fit 12 hours of rage in 15 minutes.— Nina Bargiel (@slackmistress) September 5, 2018
Lol at the guy who just sent me the word "Sex"— Kelly Ellis (@justkelly_ok) September 5, 2018
Hell yeah I want to go to a BBQ (bar, but quiet).— Tinker Elle (@elle91) September 3, 2018
She never specified what kind of foot long... WELCOME HOME BENTLEY BABY pic.twitter.com/MrU6ny4Y5b— kelseygrace (@_kelseygracee) September 4, 2018
If you hear screams from this hotel room, I'm not being murdered. I'm trying to follow a YouTube video for a beachy sideswept hairstyle.— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 1, 2018
“ I can stop anytime I want” I say, three quarters of my way through a sheet cake.— Blue Moon (@Bluestmoon_) September 6, 2018
Ok but how fukin TIGHT was it rearranging your room when you were younger and it feeling like a different space and you’d show your parents and they’d be like wow very nice and you’d be like FUCK yes new room new me— Bay (@i_BAYlooknurway) September 3, 2018
By the amount of fires, it appears that nike has announced it's moving from cleveland to miami.— Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) September 4, 2018