The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant -- but succinct -- wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week's great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
uterus: whatchu wanna do today? seamless and bleed?
— Tracy LaFway Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) September 27, 2015
How many Swedish fish is too many Swedish fish to eat before noon?
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) October 1, 2015
Viagra should only contract with Planned parenthood for distribution.
— The Next Martha (@TheNextMartha) September 29, 2015
"If you like it then you should've put a ring in it" - the jingle I would pick if I were head of marketing at NuvaRing
— Samantha Escobar (@myhairisblue) September 29, 2015
So training to be a #doula is amazing but I definitely don't think that is how I am going to meet my next #boyfriend
— Mychal Balazs (@Mychalasaurus) September 24, 2015
Why isn't there a spa treatment that's just someone playing with your hair for 45 minutes?
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) September 28, 2015
thank you to all the women who have busted down barriers so I could do this million step skincare routine while watching a lifetime movie
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) September 30, 2015
sext: 'i'm coming over to help you move'
— Hannah Giorgis (@ethiopienne) September 29, 2015
I’m fairly confident I could run a small country from my phone but please don’t ask me to be on time for dinner.
— NYC BLONDE (@NYC_Blonde) September 30, 2015
Walking around chanting, "the universe is not a person. She has no control over your life. You --apparently-- do. Do not extrapolate."
— Siri Srinivas (@pjux) September 30, 2015
ME: One thing that's gotten me through this week is the @HamiltonMusical album-- THERAPIST: --Oh my GOD, I am OBSESSED with it!
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWritesStuff) October 1, 2015
You can't just eat 12 Oreos. You kinda have to eat the full pack
— Negin Farsad (@NeginFarsad) September 28, 2015
I just accidentally put salt in my coffee. Who let me adult? I clearly cannot handle adulting.
— Leslie Brooks (@Leslie_Annie) October 1, 2015
starting an app called Basic that rates people on their basicness
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) October 1, 2015
*chases cat around trying to get a good photo* - me at any party ever
— Gaby Dunn (@gabydunn) September 28, 2015
If I love you I just want to send you sooooo many links
— Sophia Rivka Rossi (@sofifii) October 1, 2015
Rename the abortion pill AK-486 and see if people lay off trying to legislate it.
— Lizz Winstead (@lizzwinstead) October 2, 2015
can't wait to release SHEEPLE, my app that is like yelp but for young anarchists to rate cogs in the proletariat machine
— not olga lexell (@runolgarun) October 1, 2015
*ding!* NEW TEXT YESSSSS I AM POPULAR AF NO ONE CAN RESIST THIS [opens text] *100% of your data is used blah blah blah* CRIES FOREVER
— Kate Spencer (@katespencer) September 28, 2015
Moving sucks but watching an awestruck cat wander around confused in a new apartment makes it all worth it
— Erin Gloria Ryan (@morninggloria) October 1, 2015
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