The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Pilates teacher told us to come to child's pose so I said "MORE LIKE DEPRESSED 30-SOMETHING WOMAN'S POSE AM I RIGHT" and no one laughed
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) April 26, 2017
just saw some moms at the park taking selfies while their kids fell off slides and like boy if that ain't me...
— farwz (@farwzz) April 23, 2017
I'm sure we could have been great friends, but you seem to insist on pronouncing the "g" in "lasagna."
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) April 24, 2017
make it stop pic.twitter.com/DOF0KQorPC
— Michelle Lee (@heymichellelee) April 24, 2017
Honestly I cannot believe how long Law & Order: SVU duped us into doing emotional labor for Elliott Stabler 😒
— Jenavieve Hatch (@jenavievehatch) April 23, 2017
You: Hi
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) April 23, 2017
Me: Honestly you're not entitled to any of my emotional energy this is rude and unfair what do you think this is
My cheeks are usually red in a way that makes people think I'm wearing makeup. I don't wear makeup. I'm just eternally embarrassed
— Amy Dentata (@AmyDentata) April 24, 2017
Woman: The bees are dying.
— Fluorescent Beige (@awesomelocks) April 22, 2017
random male: I don't know what kind of men YOU hang out with but I'M not killing bees.
Aliens come to abduct me in early 2016: Away you ghastly travelers! I'd sooner die!
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) April 26, 2017
Aliens come to abduct me in 2017: Lemme get my shoes.
Tonight I let a man waste my time. I'd appreciate thoughts and prayers during this, my moment of grief
— shakira (@jodecicry) April 23, 2017
editor: when can I expect your draft
— select bitch (@caseyjohnston) April 23, 2017
me: eventually, but at a later date
editor: hm ?
me: let me finish--so I can get started early
a woman dropped her coffee cup on the street and out spilled a full glass mickey of whiskey
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) April 24, 2017
it's monday, y'all
Me when I see that my man got a new hoodie pic.twitter.com/nSpnlkOgwz
— Maria 🌺 (@cakefacedcutie) April 26, 2017
we could replace 90% of pundits with dogs in bowties and be better for it
— Brandy Jensen (@BrandyLJensen) April 24, 2017
they should have nap pods at the club
— Ziwe (@ziwe) April 23, 2017
God grant me the serenity to accept that my doctor is 45 mins late because he's discussing podcasts with a patient in the adjacent room.
— maggie mull (@infinitesimull) April 24, 2017
this year is the fifth in a row 9yo has declined to join me for Bring Your Daughter to Work Day bc "it's not interesting watching you write"
— Nicole Chung (@nicole_soojung) April 24, 2017
outgrowing your workout clothes is a real special kind of disappointing
— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) April 22, 2017
me: i'm a very private person
— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) April 25, 2017
someone: hi
me: so i'll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the real bad stuff
me to other people: don't compare yourself to anyone!
— Julia Pugachevsky (@jaypugz) April 26, 2017
me: *reads celebrity wikipedias to see if they too were a mess at 25*
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