The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 140-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Me: Ready for the apocalypse?— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) August 21, 2017
Them: You mean the eclipse?
Me: Have you seen the news?
most sexual feelings in the world:— Tracy Clayton (@brokeymcpoverty) August 20, 2017
1. eating good food
2. last minute plan cancellations
3. taking your bra off after work
The sun represents masculine energy and the moon represents feminine energy. Today she's reclaiming her time.— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) August 21, 2017
Me: "Oh you're giving the peace sign in this picture."— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) August 20, 2017
5yo: "You mean the 2?"
Me: "It means peace."
5yo: "I'VE been doing a 2."
can someone tell my ex that it's okay for him to look directly at the eclipse pls and thanks— farwz (@farwzz) August 21, 2017
When someone tells you not to look up at the sun today even though of course you knew that, that's #moonsplaining— Rachel Dratch (@TheRealDratch) August 21, 2017
TRUMP: Melania, my eyes burn when I look at it.— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) August 21, 2017
MELANIA: Now you know how I feel. pic.twitter.com/IA9lq9WgZU
T-minus 20 minutes until we all burn our retinas off and create the first post-racial, colorblind society.— Kashana (@kashanacauley) August 21, 2017
VERY GOOD TROLL IDEA— Ariel Edwards-Levy (@aedwardslevy) August 21, 2017
1. publish a post-eclipse story called "how to know if you incurred eye damage"
2. lower text opacity to 50%
My pilates teacher asked if anyone had any aches and pains anywhere and I shouted "MY EMOTIONAL WELL-BEING" and everyone ignored me— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) August 25, 2017
"If you or anyone you know has been misled by the color on a Just for Men box, we will fight to get you a settlement." pic.twitter.com/UwSmJUgxtj— Vanessa Ramos (@thatRamosgirl) August 19, 2017
Eating cherry pie filling out of the can for breakfast if anyone's looking for a Life Coach.— JC Tarp (@jctwritesstuff) August 22, 2017
I got a bunch of dental surgery and while waiting for a cab to go home a dude catcalled me so I just let a ton of blood fall out my mouth— Best Bi™ (@UnburntWitch) August 24, 2017
My summer goals were simply to go from this emoji 👋🏾 to this emoji 👋🏿.— Issa Rae (@IssaRae) August 24, 2017
"I think my resume speaks for itself", I say, winking suggestively, and casually sliding two and a half cheez-its across the interview table— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) August 22, 2017
a woman had me double bag her tampons because the bag was see thru and her husband would be embarrassed..sweetie throw the whole husband out— queen G (@ifthehoefits) August 21, 2017
I can eat sheet cake, fight nazis, AND have a million opinions about Taylor Swift because FEMINISTS MULTITASK, MOTHERFUCKERS.— Mary Beth Williams (@embeedub) August 23, 2017
I'm no magician, but I can turn 30 minutes of work into 10 hours of complaining.— Arielle (@jewfacekilla) August 24, 2017
man: you're beautiful— beth can't with this (@bourgeoisalien) April 19, 2017
man: humanity is a black hole of stupid and i'm dying inside
me: [heart beats fast] oh my god are you single