The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
it's "put a hoodie on so i don't have to put a bra on" season.— king crissle (@crissles) December 1, 2017
How my mom and I watch Hallmark movies:— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) November 27, 2017
"Look at his/her stupid face"
"This plot is so dumb"
"This snow is so fake"
End of the movie: both sobbing
I Did Not Think I Could Live Without A Microwave But Hey, It's Been Seven Months And I'm Thriving; I Guess 2017 Really *Was* The Year Of Revelation: A Memoir— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) November 26, 2017
my family's Christmas card this year lmao pic.twitter.com/A2L7wfsprN— Emily Seawright (@cantseawright) November 26, 2017
QUICK LITMUS TEST ON WHETHER IT IS FLIRTING OR NOT: where are your pants— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) November 30, 2017
I'm just a girl— Geraldine (@everywhereist) November 30, 2017
standing in front of a boy
asking him to not whip his dick out
especially in work contexts
I mean, honestly
this should all go without saying
My motto is, “I need to buy new bras.”— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 28, 2017
an advent calendar but every day it's a new fired man and on christmas it's santa— Kelly Conaboy (@kellyconaboy) November 29, 2017
My sister is 90% done with her Christmas shopping and I am 90% done with this bottle of vodka.— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) November 28, 2017
once in a fiction workshop my professor critiqued a scene because "women wouldn't ask about a hookup's performance in bed" and a girl replied "that's literally the first thing you talk about" and the way he said "oh" will stay with me til i die— JINGLE🎄BELLISON (@girlinabasement) November 28, 2017
it’s a poor argument but if you’re going to make it, it should technically be a warlock hunt— Sapna Maheshwari (@sapna) November 29, 2017
Yes, I have a playlist called "You Don't Deserve A Bullet" and yes I listen to it when I punch things, and yes, I'm accepting recommendations for said playlist.— Jenavieve Hatch (@jenavievehatch) November 29, 2017
Shout-out to everybody who had visitors to a big city over the long weekend and showed them how to stand to the right on the escalators and walk on the left.— Laura Helmuth (@laurahelmuth) November 27, 2017
*opens can of spaghetti sauce and pours it on noodles* i am a chef— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 28, 2017
Wondering what to get that celebrity man in your life for Christmas this year? Consider COMEUPPANCE!— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 29, 2017
me before and after i saw beyonce live for the first time pic.twitter.com/HbyC1xIAgp— Ziwe (@ziwe) November 30, 2017
No thanks, malls. I shop from home without pants like a normal person.— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) November 25, 2017
Challenge: a sadder 3 bodega item list than batteries, cat litter, and butter— erin 🎄🎶gloria🎶🎄 ryan (@morninggloria) November 28, 2017
If getting my winter body ready means it looks like a snowman, mine's ready.— TheMotherOctopus (@MotherOctopusKJ) November 29, 2017