The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
i bought a beyonce christmas ornament with absolutely no thought of buying a christmas tree.
— king crissle (@crissles) December 18, 2017
Tbh watching clueless bros try to navigate Sephora is one of the most pure holiday traditions.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) December 16, 2017
this guy walked by me and asked “why you smiling at your phone for? is he that important?” and i said “yeah he is” but i was looking at this picture pic.twitter.com/fF0ngVyA1C
— cardi t (@radioheadass) December 18, 2017
man: hi
— steph (@stephsstone) December 21, 2017
me: yeah right like i’m gonna fall for that again
If I was on The Bachelor instead of roses I'd give out pizza slices and whoever blotted theirs with a napkin has to go home
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) December 15, 2017
I think we should ban the word President until further notice
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 17, 2017
[explaining New Years Eve to an alien]
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) December 20, 2017
It's when you don't want to be invited to anything, but you're upset if you aren't.
Just gave my first ukelele lesson. Spent a hour convincing this girl why she should not be learning ukelele. feels good to help others.
— Luwanda (@LuwandaJenkins) December 18, 2017
vegan and affordable makeup remover hack: cry!!
— Marissa Miller Kovac (@Marissa__Miller) December 18, 2017
The only good thing exercise has going for it is that Donald Trump does not do it.
— porochista khakpour (@PKhakpour) December 18, 2017
The outburst I had at JoAnn’s Fabrics is not reflective of who I am.
— Myrna Tellingheusen (@PearlsFromMyrna) December 16, 2017
me: "life is short, always tell people you love them and how you feel about them"
— farwz (@farwzz) December 18, 2017
also me: *would rather die than talk about my feelings*
Wait who the fuck is going big when going home is an option? I love home.
— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) December 20, 2017
I've given up sleep and replaced it with big curly hair and a strong red lip.
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) December 19, 2017
I didn’t sexually harass anyone today. I’m going to celebrate by drinking some mulled cider.
— Imani Gandy Canes (@AngryBlackLady) December 19, 2017
You can all PayPal me cookies.
God grant me the confidence of people who play music on their phones in public and don’t wear headphones
— Allison Kilkenny (@allisonkilkenny) December 18, 2017
You become an adult when you open a carton of eggs to check it before buying.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 19, 2017
MILLION DOLLAR IDEA DO NOT STEAL: two-player spin the bottle
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) December 17, 2017
I’m gonna get a cup of tea and enjoy my Saturday morning.
— wikipedia brown (@eveewing) December 19, 2017
[realizes it’s Tuesday]
oh
well have a great Tuesday everyone
ME: I know a good amount of things
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 17, 2017
CROSSWORD PUZZLES: lol
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