The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
Sign up for our Funniest Tweets Of The Week newsletter here.
Jan 1: New Year, new me!
— Zeba Blay (@zblay) January 2, 2018
Jan 2: I’m back on my bullshit.
FIRST ACCOMPLISHMENT OF 2018: I have finished The Crown.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 1, 2018
FIRST HEARTBREAK OF 2018: I have finished The Crown.
In 2018, I look forward to continue my tradition of being lovingly referred to as “extra ranch girl” at many minneapolis institutions.
— finding mimo (@mandyapolis) January 1, 2018
forgot to make a resolution so I'm just gonna pick one thing I've already done today and run with it
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 2, 2018
andy cohen better host the trump-bannon reunion
— Ziwe (@ziwe) January 3, 2018
*listens to Bon Iver once* pic.twitter.com/vS2YGrJHvG
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) January 2, 2018
I'm not saying women are perfect, but I am saying that when we're in charge of stuff we don't go around threatening each other with our boobs.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) January 3, 2018
muffins are god's way of telling you it's ok to eat cake for breakfast
— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) January 3, 2018
If I ever say I’m going to the club, I definitely mean Sam’s Club.
— ShayMight.. (@justsomegirl81) January 3, 2018
guide to office speak:
— katie zhu (@ktzhu) January 4, 2018
per my last slack/email - can u read
let's take this offline - we're done talking about this
take an action item - let's not and say we did
when you get a chance - right NOW motherfucker
just checking in - hey bitch where u been
me on new year's eve: how can you honestly expect me to stay up til MIDNIGHT
— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) January 1, 2018
me every other night at 2am: does anyone love me
“My Pillow doesn’t get too hot, My Pillow doesn’t get too cold. My Pillow is made with porridge in a pot, nine days old.” pic.twitter.com/8KjeOUsl6z
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 3, 2018
I Ghosted You But I Still Follow You On Social Media: a memoir by trash people who make no sense
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) January 2, 2018
The closest I get to a food diary is my shirt at the end of the day.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 3, 2018
Come on, everyone knows the four major seasons: "rosé all day" season, "pumpkin spice" season, "new year new you" season and "festival" season
— Tyler McCall (@eiffeltyler) January 4, 2018
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present pic.twitter.com/s0My1mbs9f
— Helen Rosner (@hels) January 4, 2018
I love seeing my friends on vacation. I watch their stories and like their pictures all happy. I also think I’m with them. When they get back I’m like “omg we had so much fun visiting that waterfall near the beach. We gotta go back.”
— quinta b. (@quintabrunson) January 3, 2018
Sad to report that 2018 is just three 2017s stacked in a trench coat.
— Cara Weinberger (@caraweinberger) January 2, 2018
How much spinach I start cooking vs how much I end up with. pic.twitter.com/DWmWEKQFkm
— Simply TC (Not From Concentrate) (@BienSur_JeTaime) January 5, 2018
I hope in 2018 Twitter gives us the ability to have more specific location tags on our tweets, like “laying balled up on the floor” or “crying in the Wendy’s bathroom”
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) January 3, 2018
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