The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
How far into a relationship are u allowed to forward New Yorker articles, at what stage is that acceptable— bolu babalola (@BeeBabs) February 5, 2018
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) February 7, 2018
women: give us equal pay— Ali Vingiano (@alivingiano) February 5, 2018
the world: look, a KFC female colonel!
women: we said equal pay
the world: doritos won't crunch anymore!!!
women: EQUAL PA-
the world: have you tried "BIC PENS FOR HER"??
Tuned in to the Winter Olympics, imagine doing a sport AND being cold at the same time— Shakira (@jodecicry) February 9, 2018
I’m also “finding dark chocolate covered almonds delicious” years old— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) February 9, 2018
I’m not 30 yet but can 30 and over twitter let me in please? I have said “these young people” three times this week and have many different wine subscriptions.— quinta b. (@quintabrunson) February 7, 2018
without fail, I’m only ever asked to speak on the news when I’m wearing a Hogwarts Alumni shirt and no change of clothes— Sammy Nickalls 🧚♀️ (@sammynickalls) February 5, 2018
I...would like to read more short stories where a bodega cat is the main character.— Morgan Jerkins (@MorganJerkins) February 5, 2018
I'll let you guys know how well this goes over. pic.twitter.com/06VM7dIYMv— J. Ciencin Henriquez (@TheWriterJess) February 8, 2018
Me: I need more coffee to finish this essay— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) February 5, 2018
Me: still slightly more coffee
Me: *heart palpitations, hands shaking, making history jokes on twitter*
Me: ok that was slightly too much coffee
nothing like looking for a pen & realizing your bag is a costco of contraband pens from every place you’ve ever been within 500 feet of— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 5, 2018
Company e-mail: We are cleaning the fridge Friday, please label and date anything you don't want thrown away.— ❄Sardonic Tart❄ (@SardonicTart) February 6, 2018
Me: *reply all* Please don't throw out my frozen waffles.
dua lipa made a career out of pouting and wearing track pants with expensive sports bras and honestly that’s the life i want for myself— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) February 8, 2018
Women: We’d like you to stop harassing us at work— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) February 6, 2018
The World: Here’s a chip that crunches less. Just like you wanted. YOU’RE WELCOME BITCHES.
in MY star wars movie, the hero will be a young fish nun on the remote jedi isle who leads a unionization drive— Rachel Sanders (@rachelysanders) February 6, 2018
*raises a glass, puts on Tim Riggins voice* Wakanda forever— A.B. (@AlannaBennett) February 6, 2018
today on the train i thought to myself, "i'm just so happy for mandy moore, ya know?"— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) February 8, 2018
In all seriousness very excited we’re finally going to see House Doritos on Game of Thrones.— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) February 5, 2018
sry for ruining your joke by asking the age and description of everyone in it.— Luwanda (@LuwandaJenkins) February 7, 2018
How are we doing on breadsticks over here pic.twitter.com/iwN9Jm1nJF— Zoe Camp (@jzcamp) February 4, 2018