The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
My favorite part of BBQ is when someone tries to organize a group sport & I call on my witch ancestors to summon the rain— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) July 4, 2018
The straight white men who got mad about fictional characters being rebooted as women, POC, and LGBT are really gonna hate the all women, POC, and LGBT reboot of the US government we’re planning.— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 2, 2018
How come no ones written a rap song about Maxine Waters yet? There should be like 50 by now.— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) July 1, 2018
when my enemy and i bond over hating the same person pic.twitter.com/HOeBE8tPY5— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) July 2, 2018
[abt to draw blood, v scared]— Karen Chee (@karencheee) July 2, 2018
nurse: tell me the plot of your favorite film
me: so these twins get separated at birth & they reunite at camp 11 yrs later--
nurse: all done
me: don't u wanna know how the movie ends?
nurse: honey, i've seen the parent trap. the dad is *chef's kiss*
*clambers into fridge, right next to the bag of salad leaves* *mists self with ice water*— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) July 4, 2018
Her: I need advice.— Ivsy (@Ivsy01) July 2, 2018
Me: (eating cookie dough for breakfast) You came to the right person.
there is a startling trend on Instagram of people pretending to still be on vacation when I know for a fact they’ve been back home for days. as your elected official I will work to end this— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) July 3, 2018
Twitter gets a bad rap but let me just say that 20 years ago women did not talk about the shared truth of underboob sweat, we internalized it as our own secret shame when we could have been weaponizing it against our enemies, long live Boob Sweat Twitter— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) July 3, 2018
I think I am going down to the gym and then I am going to drink wine and talk shit here.— roxane gay (@rgay) July 1, 2018
Me pretending that my natural deodorant is holding up in this heat as I lose all control over what's happening in my armpit area pic.twitter.com/eiNOKN9j1h— Gabriella Paiella (@GMPaiella) July 2, 2018
me: im so busy i have so much to do i have to cancel on everyone to get all this work done there are literally not enough hours in the day— Scaachi (@Scaachi) July 3, 2018
also me: did you watch the three part shane dawson youtube docuseries on tanacon because i watched it four fucking times and i have THOUGHTS
Humidity is just a fancy way of saying even the air is sweating.— Darlin’ Darla (@Darlainky) July 2, 2018
Excuse me buddy but it's ride OR die. I pick the first one. U can drive me to the mall but I'm not dying for you— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) July 5, 2018
BARISTA: hey, your drink is on the house today— Rads (@FeelingEuphoric) July 2, 2018
ME: oh, wow
ME: could…could you get it down?
I highly recommend the zero waste minimalism lifestyle to feel like you're camping out in your own home.— Jenny Yang 👲🏼👲🏼👲🏼 (@jennyyangtv) July 3, 2018
Whoever first saw a coffee bean and thought to themselves “You know what? I’m gonna pulverize the f*ck outta this thing and make it drinkable” was a savage genius and I love them.— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) July 2, 2018
Sorry the guy you’re sleeping with won’t call himself your boyfriend but will call himself a content creator— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 2, 2018
Just got a Bored of the Rings tattoo on my lower back!— Mitra Jouhari (@tweetrajouhari) July 4, 2018
anyway i spilled an entire cup of coffee in my lap this morning and then i wrote an email to myself, i am killing it today— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) July 3, 2018