The other day a friend of mine was talking about her husband and the fact that he drove her crazy on a daily basis. She described how he left his clothes on the floor, was constantly parked in front of the television set and how she had to repeat herself several times just to get him to respond. It's not a scenario that is new to any of us, the quintessential husband-wife relationship, or at least the one that is often portrayed on sitcoms, though it appears my friend is living it. She said her one reprieve was when her husband left for work. I thought, after some more venting, that the conversation was over, but then she turned the tables and inquired about me, and how Matt and I get along. How did we do it she asked? How do we work together, live together and play together? And then the zinger, "Aren't you afraid he won't be attracted to you as wife and will eventually just think of you as a business partner," she asked.
Just for some background, my husband and I are relationship experts and provide dating advice for singles. We have co-authored two books on the subject and we have a website together where we offer advice to readers. He has his own clients and during the week I work as a lifestyle reporter here in New York City. Plus, we had a reality show on Lifetime about our business and our lives as a couple working together and giving our advice to singles. Bottom line: we work together. That's right out of 24 hours a day, we are together about 16 hours of it. Is it hard? Yes, definitely, especially when he doesn't realize that if he simply agrees with me everything will be okay (just joking). My friend then had to know how we do it? The truth is that I don't know. It certainly isn't always fun, but as I hear more and more about "couplepreneurs" I realize that we have had to put certain "rules" in place to survive the workplace we have created for ourselves, such as making goals and making sure we appreciate our differences and of course putting the relationship first.
But, I have found it's not always easy to distinguish between the boardroom and the bedroom. We have two laptops, two iphones, two blackberry's and they are always on...a turn off to some, maybe...but for us, it's just another day at the office.
Matt Titus:
At this moment I can't stomach her. But at the same time I can't seem to stop looking at her. She is standing in front of me with the perfect corporate low pony tail, a "business sexy" wrap dress and the hottest pair of Manolos that a woman can get away with at work, without being obscene. Challenging, debating and yes, sometimes (honestly..more often than not) coming up with better business solutions than I do on a daily basis. Effortlessly, she steam rolls her way through every afternoon standing right by my side. It's a delicate relationship of which its daily transitions can confuse the most intelligent and reasonable of men. This woman I speak about from nine to six is my business partner that I work with day in and day out. The only challenge is that when we close the door and leave the office every night we walk three steps down the hall into our living room and become husband and wife. Wow! What a daily transition that is? Can you imagine?
I can, because I live it everyday. What's the trick? The secret? Or better yet, the solution? I'm not quite the couplepreneur expert just yet, but I'm learning. In fact, I'll be the first to admit it's not easy, but I'll tell you what I do to make it work. I use the medium or the environment to dictate the accepted behavior. From nine to five, only corporate office rules apply, no quick trips into the bedroom for make out sessions between conference calls or disrespectful looks or comments during heated office debates regarding business decisions. I try as hard as I can, to see her as an attractive and highly intelligent business partner that my hands are NOT allowed to touch during business hours. Then when we walk into the living room my eyes see her as a wife that has just gotten home after a long day. There is no talk of work allowed, only the whispers of sweet nothings... yeah right. We do try, but inevitably the focus of our "sweet nothings" become our editors latest comments, the color of the website, or what employee we need to "have a talk with." Honestly, thus far the separation of business partner and wife has been totally blurred, but maybe that's not such a bad thing. Think of it like this, I can actually make my sexual fantasies come true with my hot coworker after five pm and my wife can come up with business solutions during Saturday morning errands. Not a bad balance if I say so myself.