Bill O’Reilly, one of America’s most popular (though controversial) newsmen, just got fired in a very ugly way—allegedly for workplace sexual harassment. Regardless of whether your political stripes leave you devastated or gleeful about O’Reilly’s sudden downfall, you’ve got to wonder: What the heck was this guy thinking? I mean, we’re talking about an internationally successful personality with a top-rated news show, books flying off the shelves, and our current president on speed dial. Plus millions of ardent followers.
What is most mind-blowing is that a guy who worked so hard for so long and achieved so much would risk it all, just for the pleasure of chasing a few women around his desk. That’s crazy, right?
Well, sort of. As a sexologist and author with an almost thirty-year history of treating men (from firemen to priests to high-powered politicos) with issues related sexual infidelity, harassment, abuse, and compulsivity, I tend to think that O’Reilly is not crazy. Troubled, yes, but not crazy. His actions, on the other hand…
Sadly, we see this type of behavior with rich, powerful, and famous men on a regular basis. You probably know a lot of the names already: Bill Clinton, Tiger Woods, Anthony Weiner, Roger Ailes, Josh Duggar, Ted Haggard, Jared Fogle, Jimmy Swaggart, pause to take a breath, Larry Craig, David Petraeus, John Edwards, Bill Cosby, Eliot Spitzer, etc. And that’s just the beginning of my list of smart, successful, powerful men with a lot to lose who lost it, simply because their sexual desires overran both common sense and common decency. And trust me, for every name you know, there are thousands that you don’t.
So what gives? Why would Bill O’Reilly behave in a way that was almost certain to lead to ruin? Why would he risk so much for so little payoff?
Admittedly, I don’t know exactly what happened with Bill O’Reilly. Maybe he did it, maybe he didn’t. So instead of talking about him specifically, I will talk in a general way about men like him—men laden with power, prestige, money, and multiple allegations of sexual misbehavior. In my experience as a therapist, which is considerable and extremely on point with this particular issue, these typically rational and intelligent men, in the sexualized heat of the moment, tend to lose touch with reality and potential consequences. In this respect, they are not unlike the average Joe who cheats on his wife or girlfriend or engages in some other type of sexual misbehavior. But not exactly, as these supposed leaders of men should really be meeting a higher standard than the typical guy. That’s the American way. We hold our public figures to a higher standard than everyone else. They know this, and so do we. Yet here we are again, with another fallen icon. What gives?
Well, what gives is that the rich and famous men who engage in extramarital affairs, sexual harassment, and the like do not expect to get caught. And why would they, when they have lackeys and sycophants and powerful organizations who are so deeply invested in their success that they will do anything just to keep the gravy train rolling. So knowledge of the problematic behaviors is suppressed and the perpetrators go about their business unencumbered by consequences. Often, their organization pays hush money to keep things quiet. At the same time, the problem is ignored rather than addressed. And when the misbehavior finally does come to light, in roll the spin doctors—giving it everything they’ve got because the perpetrator at the heart of the scandal is too big to fail.
We see this same cycle with alcoholism and drug addictions, with rich, powerful, and famous men rolling downhill like out-of-control boulders with nobody stepping in to stop them. In fact, the people around them tend to enable the addiction as a way to control a portion of the addict’s wealth, fame, and power. So the addict, with no one to confront or stand up to him, loses important feedback loops that might put a stop to serious problems before it’s too late. In a few cases—Prince, Michael Jackson, and Elvis, to name but a few—this inaction has been fatal.
The simple, sad truth is that the people and organizations surrounding the rich, powerful, and famous will do anything and everything they can to protect “the personality” from bad publicity and consequences. However, as Bill O’Reilly (and his former boss Roger Ailes) now know, enabling, looking the other way, and covering things up will only go so far. Once the problem goes public, media fueled social pressure will always win out. Still, many patriarchal organizations continue to operate as bastions of sexual harassment—the military, the sports world, the entertainment industry, etc.
The good news is that most rich, powerful, and famous men (and most men in general) do not misbehave sexually. Instead, they treat the people around them with the respect and dignity they deserve. In this respect, our culture is changing for the better. And it’s about time, too. The bad news is that sexual harassment and abuse is nonetheless rampant, and much of it is either never addressed or only comes to light years after the fact.
If you feel that you or someone you know is a victim of sexual harassment or abuse in the workplace or elsewhere, there are numerous laws and organizations that can help. In today’s world, people do not have to silently abide. Useful resources can be found at the following websites:
- The Advocates for Human Rights: www.stopvaw.org/Sexual_Harassment
- American Association of University Women (AAUW): www.aauw.org/what-we-do/legal-resources/know-your-rights-at-work/workplace-sexual-harassment/
- Feminist Majority Foundation: www.feminist.org/911/harass.html
- US Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC): www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/sexual_harassment.cfm
- National Women’s Law Center: https://nwlc.org/resources/sexual-harassment-workplace/
It is time for sexual harassment and sexual abuse to stop, not just in the workplace but everywhere. The Bill O’Reillys of the world need to understand that their behavior is not acceptable. And the only way to achieve that is to call them to the carpet. Please do your part by speaking up, speaking out, and refusing to quietly tolerate the 1950s mentality that still permeates so much of our society.
Robert Weiss LCSW, CSAT-S is a digital-age intimacy and relationships expert specializing in infidelity and addictions—in particular sex, porn, and love addiction. He is the author of several highly regarded books. Currently, he is Senior Vice President of National Clinical Development for Elements Behavioral Health, creating and overseeing addiction and mental health treatment programs for more than a dozen high-end treatment facilities. For more information please visit his website, robertweissmsw.com, or follow him on Twitter, @RobWeissMSW.