THE BLOG
04/04/2006 07:04 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

The President's Secret IMs: Bush to Clinton -- I'm BACK!

Click here to see the President's "Buddy List"!

Chat with Ladeezman42
10:42 p.m.

Kickass43: yo
Kickass43: billy boy
Kickass43: im BAK!!

Ladeezman42: ur UP
Ladeezman42: dats da story man
Ladeezman42: its way late 4 u
Ladeezman42: past ur "beddy bys"

Kickass43: nah
Kickass43: DST
Kickass43: rlly 9:42
Kickass43: sides cant sleep
Kickass43: 2 PUMPD
Kickass43: I ROKD last wk
Kickass43: Like: How do u like me NOW
Kickass43: ur guyz mus b wettin themslvs

Ladeezman42: no offens dude
Ladeezman42: but watu sayin?

Kickass43: were u ASLEEP?
Kickass43: ALL WK?

Ladeezman42: wat u bomb iran?!

Kickass43: NOT

Ladeezman42: keep tellin u
Ladeezman42: u gotta do it
Ladeezman42: if ur gna rais ur poll nos

Kickass43: yes yes yes
Kickass43: not goin ther
Kickass43: yet
Kickass43: no man im talkin bout dis
Kickass43: like he evn calls me "clintonesque"
Kickass43: whatevr
Kickass43: fnlly on tha way up

Ladeezman42: datsa start bud

Kickass43: a START?
Kickass43: numero uno: tha peeps wanna hear mor on iraq
Kickass43: I GIV it 2 em
Kickass43: u c me in wheeling??
Kickass43: No. Notes.
Kickass43: talkin from tha hrt
Kickass43: tellin jokes
Kickass43: didn't screw up a sngle wrd
Kickass43: not 1
Kickass43: has 2 b sum kind of freakin rcrd 4 me
Kickass43: ALMOST messd up *zalmay khalilzad*
Kickass43: which isnt evn like english
Kickass43: mor like a sneez

Ladeezman42: yeh
Ladeezman42: saw dat
Ladeezman42: u did good
Ladeezman42: mayb not "clintonesque"

Kickass43: so DEN I go ROK cancun...

p28.jpg

Kickass43: foxy, dat harper boy & I r now best buds
Kickass43: harpo took sum hazin
Kickass43: fox got im 2 spend a nite in tha mayan pyramid
Kickass43: sed all nu leadrs hafta do it
Kickass43: then @ midnite we go start howlin outside
Kickass43: he comes runnin out in his underwer!!
Kickass43: rofl

Ladeezman42: LUVD summits in cancun

Kickass43: evry1s so happy
Kickass43: "lettin bush b bush"
Kickass43: got mor talks plannd
Kickass43: big stuff
Kickass43: immigrashun
Kickass43: IRAN
Kickass43: ;-)
Kickass43: jus like my ma used 2 say
Kickass43: "Georgie ur alwys @ ur best...
Kickass43: wen ur a ur lowst.
Kickass43: jus wen we're bout 2 giv up on u
Kickass43: & send u 2 reform skool
Kickass43: u straiten up ur act
Kickass43: & bring home an A"

Ladeezman42: she got dat rite
Ladeezman42: wrks with chix 2
Ladeezman42: don't let em xpect nuffin
Ladeezman42: den wen u bring em flowrs
Ladeezman42: or sum cheapshit choclats
Ladeezman42: from CVS
Ladeezman42: theyr like u brot them tha hope diamond

Kickass43: dats wat im sayin
Kickass43: u bttr start primin ur guys
Kickass43: cuz 06 aint gna b a walk
Kickass43: tha shakeups startd

Ladeezman42: saw dat wit card
Ladeezman42: thot u wer gna dump tha veep?!

Kickass43: o man
Kickass43: dat cardster screws up evryting

Ladeezman42: ?

Kickass43: so like I say 2 andy
Kickass43: dude u gotta go in ther & talk 2 tha veep
Kickass43: cuz u kno I tried 2 dump dick miself
Kickass43: but he wdnt lissen 2 me
Kickass43: so andys like: wat do I say
Kickass43: so I tell im:
Kickass43: administrashun hurtin
Kickass43: need nu blood
Kickass43: exampls gotta start @tha top
Kickass43: yadda yadda
Kickass43: so cardster gos in
Kickass43: makes tha speech
Kickass43: jus like I told im
Kickass43: & dick nods
Kickass43: sez he axepts dat
Kickass43: & dats y he axepts
Kickass43: andy's resignashun!!

Ladeezman42: ANDY resigns??!

Kickass43: si!
Kickass43: im like WTF
Kickass43: watr tha odds of dat??

Ladeezman42: o man dats 2 funny
Ladeezman42: 2. FUNNY.
Ladeezman42: im pissin miself

Kickass43: NOT
Kickass43: cuz now ive lost andy
Kickass43: & gotta put up w dis "boltass" dude

Ladeezman42: soundz like ANY1s bttr than andy

Kickass43: dubbl NOT
Kickass43: man I miss the cardster alredy
Kickass43: he knew how I likd evryting
Kickass43: lime w/my bucklers
Kickass43: lo-fat salsa
Kickass43: cheezbrgr med no pickls
Kickass43: diet coke no ice
Kickass43: (brain freez-- enuff of dat goin on here)
Kickass43: dis dude boltass
Kickass43: like he datd BO DEREK

Ladeezman42: get out

Kickass43: did 2
Kickass43: chix a republican

Ladeezman42: yeh & like marilyn monroe's jewish

Kickass43: fine
Kickass43: but I can tell u
Kickass43: no dude whos datd bo derek
Kickass43: gna b gettin me my cheezbrgr

Ladeezman42: soundz like he'll b gettin u a lot bttr than dat bud

Kickass43: lol
Kickass43: mayb he'll git harriet off my case
Kickass43: she's moony bout him
Kickass43: suddnly its like "josh dis" & "josh dat"
Kickass43: like he's tha lede in sum boy band
Kickass43: & KAREN
Kickass43: she's like all ovr him
Kickass43: "condi cd use a littl 'refresher' speakin 2 tha ppl of Islam, Josh"
Kickass43: "y don't u send ME 2 blakburn nxt time?"
Kickass43: yeh rite
Kickass43: like condi needs lessons from karen
Kcikass43: on how 2 talk 2 inner city folks...

Ladeezman42: so r u gna git bolten 2 do tha drty wit dick?

Kickass43: we'll c
Kickass43: gna start im small
Kickass43: my lunch order
Kickass43: + take out scotty

Ladeezman42: scotty?

Kickass43: mclellan

Ladeezman42: o
Ladeezman42: gr8!
Ladeezman42: scotty needs to b beamd up
Ladeezman42: like rite away
Ladeezman42: he's tha lamest spokesdude EVR
Ladeezman42: evrytime he lies...
Ladeezman42: he looks like tha headmastrs gna hit im
Ladeezman42: he's tha dude u DON'T want next 2 u...
Ladeezman42: wen uve bin calld 2 tha office...
Ladeezman42: aftr theyv found tha panties up tha flagpole

Kickass43: tell me!
Kickass43: I sed 2 tha veep
Kickass43: y don't u take scotty out quail huntin?
Kickass43: its r code now
Kickass43: u kno like tony soprano
Kickass43: "a walk in tha woods"
Kickass43: he sed let josh do it
Kickass43: "inishiate im"

Ladeezman42: I cd use scotty on hllry's campaign
Ladeezman42: we cd do wit a spokesdude dat bad rite now
Ladeezman42: if u guys don't get ur act 2gether
Ladeezman42: at dis rate she's gna wipe tha flor wit gore

Kickass43: im DOIN it
Kickass43: im tellin u:
Kickass43: im BAK
Kickass43: also
Kickass43: newzflash:
Kickass43: CAT FITE!

Ladeezman42: ??

Kickass43: my gf's scratchin up ur gf real bad
Kickass43: hills gna look like a roosevelt sofa
Kickass43: wuns sox dun thru wit it

Ladeezman42: wat r u talkin bout???

Kickass43: DIS
Kickass43: 1st lady mudwreslin!!
Kickass43: ur hills ded meat
Kickass43: u can thank me l8r

Ladeezman42: I saw dat alredy
Ladeezman42: like dats laura's best shot?!
Ladeezman42: hill don't clean tha crib?
Ladeezman42: o snap!
Ladeezman42: man dat wont make pg A10
Ladeezman42: dat won't make tha crawl
Ladeezman42: u gotta do bttr than dat bud

Kickass43: dats all we had
Kickass43: dat & her tacky taste in decorashun
Kickass43: lookd like graceland wen we movd in

Ladeezman42: u dudes STILL can't diss worth a dam
Ladeezman42: ur DISS-abled
Ladeezman42: im gna have 2 spoonfeed u like a bunch of babies in 08
Ladeezman42: if hills gna lose...
Ladeezman42: & im 2 get any sleep.
Ladeezman42: speakin of...

Kickass43: o rite
Kickass43: its late
Kickass43: did I uh...
Kickass43: intrupt anything...?

Ladeezman42: nah
Ladeezman42: no plans 2nite
Ladeezman42: hidin out in chappaqua
Ladeezman42: pretendin 2 b sick
Ladeezman42: cdnt face anudder fundraisr 4 hill
Ladeezman42: wuz jus readin tha papers

Kickass43: rlly?!

Ladeezman42: rlly
Ladeezman42: sumtimes evn ol willy's gotta giv it a rest
Ladeezman42: not 50 anymor
Ladeezman42: cant do it 5/6X a day

Kickass43: dude I cdnt CYCLE 5/6X a day

Ladeezman42: yeh well
Ladeezman42: mayb thers hope
Ladeezman42: came across dis
Ladeezman42: sez they can get stem cells from ur balls
Ladeezman42: srsly
Ladeezman42: alwys thot sum of my brain cells were down ther
Ladeezman42:turns out I can gro em direct

Kickass43: wat a campaign issue!
Kickass43: "harvest balls not babies"

Ladeezman42: sure ends it 4 tha dems
Ladeezman42: aint gna c no hollywood actors offrin 2 donate
Ladeezman42: ther ball tishoo

Kickass43: bet hllry cd donate sum

Ladeezman42: nah hers r made of steel

Kickass43: rofl

Ladeezman42: u hang in ther bud
Ladeezman42: & keep killin off tha weak
Ladeezman42: dats wat tha romans did

Kickass43: who?

Ladeezman42: ur italian buds

Kickass43: sopranos?

Ladeezman42: close enuff

Ladeezman42 has left the chat.

The President's Secret IMs appears every Tuesday.