Parenthood is a goal that any couple with the objective of building a family wants to achieve. When infertility gets in the way of conceiving naturally, especially after trying for more than a year, the goal of being parents becomes a heavy challenge.
This challenge is worse for women especially, because even if the couple is dealing with male infertility, she is the one who goes through more tests and takes more medicines to determine the root cause of infertility. So with infertility, the accomplishment of becoming parents is felt even more deeply by the woman when she achieves motherhood.
But sometimes a woman experiencing infertility becomes so obsessed with having a baby that she forgets about herself and the world surrounding her. (Trust me, I’ve been there five times.)
Why does this happen? Because of love? Or because the only option these women consider is having a baby of their own, with her and her partner’s DNA? If the reason she becomes obsessed is because she wants to love a baby, then why not explore the option of offering that incredible gift of motherhood to a child who is already born?
I’ve been thinking about this lately because I was in that place. I thought the only way to be a mom and to be capable of loving a child was if that child was mine by right of DNA. Well, through my IVF journey I learned that love is not selfish, love doesn’t come from Ego or Fear. The concept that love is something that hurts is untrue, and we must learn to reprogram our brains and learn the real meaning of love.
Today, I know from my emotions and my own experience with infertility that I would be able to mother a child that didn’t come from my womb, in the same way I mother my biological IVF girls. I know I would love that child the same way I love my two girls, no doubt about it.
So, I want to send a message to all couples going through infertility, especially women. Would you be able to leave ego to the side, and think about giving your love and yourself to another? Would you be able to reach motherhood by offering that amazing gift to a child who is motherless, a child who wants motherly love as badly as you want to be a mother?
There are so many, so many, hundreds of thousands of children all over the world, who are abused, abandoned, lost... eagerly waiting for parents to love them. Why not look at adoption as another option for becoming a mother or a father, and selflessly giving your love?
I leave this thought here for all of you out there walking the difficult path of infertility. Maybe you can find some answers within yourself.
Monica Bivas is a married mom of 3, born in Colombia and became an IVF Coach from her own struggle to conceive. She is helping women and couples no matter their choice, going through this fertility process, to approach it in a much positive way.