American colonialists tied one on to gloat about a New England Patriots’ victory over the British army at Bunker Hill in a revolutionary Super Bowl spoof featuring “Saturday Night Live” alums Tina Fey and Rachel Dratch.
“We are the Patriots of New England and we are unstoppable!” shouts Dratch.
“Do we even know how to lose? No!” boasts colonialist Alex Moffat, who talks about “Captain Thomas Brady” having the “best cannon.”
“‘Dynasty.’ That’s the woid you’re looking for: ‘dynasty,’” pipes up Natalie Portman in a New England accent.
“We eat the most lobsters ... we got the most rocks in the soil, so how do ya like us now?” asks one of the Patriots.
Not so fast. Up pops the delegation from Philadelphia.
“How ya doin’?” asks Tina Fey with a couple of compatriots. “Philly’s mad strong from the little babies to all our mom-moms and pop-pops, we’s ready to fight ... so grease up them poles because Philly is going to win and one of these guys is going to punch a police horse.”
She adds, “Call us the Eagles, cuz we ready to fly. ... Like eagles, we Philadelphians are swift, we are deadly and our eyes are all a little too close together.”
She dismisses Boston as “a college town with a fishing pier.”
Colonial leader Beck Bennett congratulates the “patriots of New England” on their “remarkable success.” He adds, “I believe I speak for this entire chamber when I say, just shut up.”
To the Philly folks he notes: “You are overdue for victory, and I wish you all the best in your upcoming battle. But if you do win, please, be cool. Just because the British did not burn down your city, doesn’t mean you have to.”
Dratch has one parting shot to the rivals: “One if by land, two by your mother.”
Check out the rest of the video and see what Fey has to say about “wa wa.”