Wine-loving parents, rejoice! It’s National Wine Day.
It takes a lot to keep up with the chaos of raising kids without losing your mind, so many moms and dads let loose with the occasional glass of wine (or two...).
Indeed, along with coffee, wine might be parents’ fuel of choice. At least, Twitter would have us believe that.
In honor of National Wine Day, we give you 39 funny tweets for parents who run on wine.
I'm inventing a WebMD for parents. The diagnosis is always "kids" and the remedy is always "wine."— Momzilla111 (@Momzilla111) June 10, 2016
Parenting Level: Approving my kids' friends based on which parents I think would drink wine with me during playdates.— Wendy S. (@maughammom) May 7, 2015
Non-parents gift guide for toddlers: Buy boxed wine. When the parents are done with the wine, the kid can play with the box. Win-win.— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) September 4, 2016
Don't these schools know that more parents would help with end of year parties if they served wine?— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 29, 2015
How do you get a red wine stain off a baby?— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) March 3, 2013
The recipe never mentions how much wine you will need to get through baking cookies with your kids.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 21, 2016
Moms drink wine because they're like liquid epidurals for when your child is dive-bombing you or climbing you like Mt. Everest.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) June 3, 2016
A perfect metaphor for parenting is trying to stand up in a hammock without spilling your wine.— Jenni Pulos (@Jennipulos) April 20, 2017
Nap time is dead. In memoriam, we ask that you send wine in lieu of flowers.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 10, 2016
The way my kid feels when his blanket is in the wash is the same frustration I have when my husband can't figure out the wine cork. #Parents— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) May 18, 2016
Me crossing the kitchen to pour my wine after I finally get all the kids to sleep. pic.twitter.com/G8BkEKXIP1— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 11, 2016
My kids raced each other to grab my wine tonight at Kroger because they've memorized where it's located in the aisle. Parenting done right.— Tara Brown (@Faux_Ma) May 3, 2017
If I didn't have kids, I would have to live my life not knowing which wine pairs best with Dino nuggets.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 28, 2017
Rookie parents reach for the wine bottle as soon as their kids go to bed.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 31, 2015
Veteran parents just drink all day.
I'm going to make a wine exclusively for parents called, "I can't hear you!". It will come in a 5 gallon bucket and include earplugs.— BadParentingMoments (@BPMbadassmama) May 7, 2013
Was just thinking Wife's move of holding wine high and steady as child jumps on lap is probably something a lot of moms have perfected— dadpression (@Dadpression) July 24, 2016
Trying to find a wine that pairs with this musical toy I guess I didn't hide well enough from my kids.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) May 22, 2017
We don't know if Mary ever made Jesus turn her water into wine because there wasn't social media back then for moms to talk about wine on.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 24, 2016
road trip:— dadmissions (@Dadmissions) July 19, 2016
dad: "gonna see the world's biggest ball of twine"
daughter: "so mom can drink it?"
dad: "ball of twine, not bottle of WINE"
*logs wine as "grapes" in fitness tracker*— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 11, 2017
If you haven't told your kids that wine is made out of whiny children then congratulations I guess you're a better parent than me.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 15, 2016
"I got in a fight at Michaels over glitter glue once, so you should probably step aside."— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) May 5, 2017
-Me, to a guy buying the last of my favorite wine
If mom drinks 2 glasses of wine in preparation for kid's math HW, then 1 more during, and then 3 more after it's done, how drunk is mom?— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) May 1, 2017
Well, one kid is crying, one kid thinks I'm a jerk and my wine glass is empty. It's definitely bedtime.— here comes the son (@idtweetforever) May 5, 2017
Five Little Monkeys jumping on the bed— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) May 1, 2017
One fell off and bumped his head
Mama sipped wine and said, "told ya."
Me: *sips wine* ooh yes, I like it. I'll have a bottle of that!— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 25, 2016
Priest: ma'am, that's not how this works, please go back to your pew.
My 7-year-old told me that wine changes the way people think.— Court (@Discourt) April 29, 2017
"I still think it's bedtime."
When you think about how far you've come since you thought drinking boxed wine was embarrassing. pic.twitter.com/kDsx7I0Sk9— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) May 2, 2016
Target stopped selling poster board, but started selling wine. So that's half of my list for this kindergarten research project crossed off.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) May 15, 2017
Parenting... Beer goggles got you into this mess. Wine goggles will get you through it.— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) April 7, 2016
When kids have birthdays, the parents should get a gift, like wine or drugs, as a 'Hey, way to go you, kept them alive another year!'— Jen Good (@buriedwithkids) May 18, 2014
Kids: Yay! We have a 4 day weekend!— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) February 18, 2017
Me: *drinks wine straight from bottle*
Watching out the window for husband to get home with my wine & this is the adult version of waiting for the ice cream truck— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) March 10, 2017
If I made wines, I'd call my wine "Thank You Baby Jesus" & market it to #parents who are drinking at the end of having their kid home sick.— Danielle Herzog (@martinisandmini) December 2, 2016
Parents' drinking game: Take a sip of wine every time you recognize a washed up 90s TV star voicing a character on your kid's Amazon show.— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) January 10, 2017
*Out to dinner with a friend*— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 28, 2016
Me: Are you ordering wine?
Her: Are we moms?
A parents elementary school Valentine checklist— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) February 6, 2016
-cards for class
-a decorated shoebox
-wine, so you can help your kid sign the cards
*Playing tea party*— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 29, 2016
Child: And now here's our tea!
*pours imaginary tea*
(Whispers to doll): Mommy's is wine.
My 1-year-old threw her grapes on the ground and stomped on them. I’d clean them up, but I’m halfway to wine.— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) July 23, 2013