Three-year-olds are a pretty notorious subset of the kid population.
Between the mood swings, penchant for chaos and destruction, and general toddler angst, it’s clear they don’t call ‘em “threenagers” for nothing. For parents in the throes of this infamous stage, laughter may be the best therapy. And thanks to Twitter, parents can share the comedy with each other.
Here are 53 hilarious tweets that sum up life with 3-year-olds.
I was just enviously admiring the energy and flexibility of a 3yo and then he kneed himself in the face.— Charlie N Andy (@HowToBeADad) April 27, 2016
My 3yo found my Chapstick and now I live in a wax museum.— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) June 21, 2016
3-year-old: Can we have a birthday cake?— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 25, 2016
Me: It's not your birthday.
3: The cake won't know.
Spending the majority of the day deciding whether or not I have to pee is one of the things my 3 year old and I have in common.— Kristen Bell (@IMKristenBell) May 22, 2016
My 3 year old told the doctor that she liked eating her vegetables.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) March 31, 2016
And the academy award goes to....
I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 21, 2014
"Dad, why isn't there chocolate meatloaf?" - my brilliant 3 year old son Patrick— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) July 17, 2016
Pretty exhausting day. My 3 year old was firing questions at me faster than I could Google the answers to them.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 13, 2014
My 3yo when I tell him it's time to take a shower. pic.twitter.com/HzEhGth7j9— keith (@tchrquotes) August 15, 2016
Just overheard my 3yo son with iPad in his room ask Siri, "Why do boys have to wear underwear?"— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 30, 2016
Made my 3yo a cheese sandwich which he refused because "the cheesy part is yucky."— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 25, 2016
His lunch request? A cheese stick.
A quick way to get a 3yo to tell you where they hid their popsicle is to put them on the monkey bars & threaten to leave if they don't talk.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 15, 2016
[youth sports sign-ups]— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 24, 2016
Me: Do you want to play tee-ball or soccer?
3-year-old: The one where I get to kick people.
She’ll be a natural.
Running through Target. I tell kids repeatedly :don't touch anything! Mins later, 3 year old at top of lungs: "I'M TOUCHING MYSELF!" Nice.— Holly (@normancallme) January 13, 2013
Fact: A 3 year old can hear a candy wrapper being opened from up to 300 miles away.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) March 8, 2014
Is it wrong to laugh when your 3yo is stuck in her clothes while trying to dress herself?— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 15, 2015
Sometimes when my 3yo hugs me out of nowhere it's amazing and it makes it all worth it. Sometimes he's just wiping his snot on my shirt.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) September 5, 2014
You wanna know how my evening is going?— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) July 28, 2016
My 3-year-old just kissed my head and threw a tantrum because I don't taste like chocolate.
My 3 year old got himself stuck in an infant bouncy seat and my first reaction was - well, I guess this is our afternoon activity.— mama bird diaries (@mamabirddiaries) August 1, 2016
If you want to know what an apple slice on the floor under this McDonalds table tastes like, ask my 3 year-old son.— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) April 25, 2015
Anyone want a 3-year-old? He doesn't listen much but he can fart on demand. #momlife— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) December 27, 2016
"Sorry we're late but my 3 year old wanted to put on their own shoes today." - Valid Excuse #64 that parents can use on a daily basis— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) November 23, 2016
911: What's your emergency?— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 22, 2015
3yo: There's a stem on my apple.
I'm the parent of the day at my 3-year-old's preschool, where affection can be won with a bag of Pirate Booty.— Jennifer Weiner (@jenniferweiner) January 5, 2011
Aunt: "I think your beard looks handsome."— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 22, 2015
3yo (walking by): "I don't."
People who describe themselves as "laid back" have never been stuck in an elevator with a 3yo who's determined to hit the alarm button.— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) November 6, 2015
When Bea was 3:— kelly oxford (@kellyoxford) October 24, 2016
3yo: I love u the mostest.
Me: I love u my tiniest baby.
3yo: I love u my oldest Mommy. My fossil Mom. You are a fossil.
"Wow, Dad, you had two beers and then ANOTHER ONE?!"— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 2, 2014
- My 3yo, auditioning for a new family.
My 3-year-old hugged me out of the blue and said, "I love you, Dad."— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 2, 2016
If you need me, I'll be searching the house for whatever she broke.
Me: What are you painting?— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) December 14, 2016
3yo: A rainbow.
Me: No, I mean LOOK at what you’re painting!
3yo: The couch? I'm making it pretty!
Was enjoying listening to my 3yo sing Christmas carols in the bathroom until he yelled, “Mom! Come wipe my butt!”— Heather Spohr (@mamaspohr) December 6, 2016
Me: "Who should I vote for?"— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) November 4, 2014
3yo: "Candy because I like candy."
.... and just like that, democracy is explained.
In case you're wondering how my 3yo's education is going. He just listed the days as: Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs, Fri, Saturday, and Christmas.— MaryWiddicks (@MaryWiddicks) August 28, 2016
My 3yo refers to every single thing that happens as "crazy!" so he's gonna be REALLY ANNOYING the first few times he gets high.— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) August 22, 2014
Sorry I can't join u for a spa pedicure. I just had one yesterday.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) May 26, 2015
*cut to my 3yo spraying my foot w/a squirt gun filled with toilet water*
That moment when your 3yo touches the inside of a public urinal and you consider cutting her hand off with a plastic knife in your backpack.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) October 1, 2016
3yo thinks cuddling in the morning requires wrapping her whole body around my head and coughing in my face.— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) December 15, 2016
It's SUPER relaxing.
Me: "How was your day today?"— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 26, 2015
3yo: "I had a BAD DAY."
Me: "Oh no! It seemed like a great day, why was it bad?"
3yo: "I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PIE."
Just yelled at my 3yo to go to bed and now I can hear her in the dark playing the harmonica.— Jeff Wild (@jiffywild) October 8, 2016
I don’t think anyone can remember being 3yrs old. Case in point: My 3yo can't even remember I told him one sec ago to "Get down from there!"— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) August 20, 2015
My 3-year-old just showed me a boo boo on his rear and insisted I kiss it. #momlife— Jennifer Borget (@JenniferBorget) June 24, 2016
"My kids have no control over me," I say as I pick out only the T-Rex-shaped chicken nuggets for my 3yo's dinner.— Toni Hammer (@realtonihammer) October 27, 2016
[reading]— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 5, 2016
Me: The big bad wolf couldn't get in. The house was made of brick
3-year-old: Couldn't he break a window?
I'm raising a burglar
Difference in traveling w/ 3yo vs when he was 1.5? Says things like: "Is it going to be loud in the plane? I think I'm gonna cry in there."— Nicole Blades (@NicoleBlades) June 21, 2012
I am my 3yo's absolute favorite person in the entire world. Unless his mother is around.— Dave Lesser (@AmateurIdiot) July 6, 2015
Then, I'm a piece of human garbage.
This morning I was listing breakfast options and my 3yo goes "Hm, toast. I guess I cld try that" like he's a prince and its a rare delicacy— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) April 12, 2015
If the Dad Olympics had an event for styling a 3yo girl's hair while she runs across the room screaming, I'd like my chances to get a medal.— Doyin Richards (@daddydoinwork) November 1, 2016
Having a 3yo daughter means washing piles of clothes because you have no idea what she actually wore that day after 50 outfit changes.— Court (@Discourt) November 11, 2015
My 3 year old's interpretation of common phrase her dad & I use is "geez crisis" & I'm thinking her version is better— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) November 26, 2016
My 3yo has never seen Seinfeld, but he still manages to enter rooms every time like Kramer.— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 26, 2016
There are moms who are potty training their 6 week olds. I'm trying to figure out if my 3yo ate an Oreo for breakfast or swept the chimney.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) September 10, 2015
I think my 3 year old is trying to make me disappear.— MommieKnowsfresh (@MommieKnwsFresh) June 15, 2015
She keeps walking past me saying "Bippety Boppity Boo!"