Now that Stephenie Meyer's sparkly vampire series -- the one that sold a whopping 100 million copies -- is turning 10 years old, time should have given us the necessary distance we need to settle Twilight's biggest dispute: Who should our heroine Bella Swan have chosen in the end? Edward Cullen, the odd kid in her Chemistry class who turns out to be a vampire with superpowers, or Jacob Black, the nice boy whose dad is friends with her dad and wants to keep her human?
We know who Meyer chose, but that hardly ended the debate. So, for once and for all, on the 10th anniversary of the publication of the Twilight series, Book 1 -- let's solve this thing.
Pros: Brooding, sullen and depressed, like a hot goth. Technically over 100 years old, Edward has maintained the physical appearance of a high schooler with the marble-esque features of a Greek god. His patience and understanding are tested only when Bella's safety is at risk, which is more often than Edward might like, thanks to her adorkable clumsiness. Because all vampires like fast cars, he puts on a thrilling performance behind the wheel of his Volvo. And because vampires don't need sleep, he's a fantastic piano player who spends hours listening to music. (The '50s were better than the '60s, Edward thinks, and the '80s were just terrible.) Really, Edward and Bella are meant to be together -- if only due to Edward's desires to both kill Bella and whisk her away to a glittery honeymoon suite, warring urges that manifest as unbridled, stalker-level obsession. Also, his family is cool. And rich.
Cons: Brooding, sullen and depressed. He did duck out on Bella -- the supposed love of his life -- and left her devastated in his oddball wake. And even Robert Pattinson hates this guy. Describing his onscreen character in a 2008 interview, he explained, "When you read the book, it's like, 'Edward Cullen was so beautiful I creamed myself.' I mean, every line is like that. He's the most ridiculous person who's so amazing at everything." He can't possibly be that amazing at everything. Also, Edward's most memorable line in the whole series is: "And so the lion fell in love with the lamb," which has spawned more than a couple ill-advised tattoos. No, please.
Pros: Loyal, passionate and alive. Jacob is a family man with a good head on his shoulders. Although he grew up hearing -- and dismissing -- his father's supernatural folk tales, Jacob still has a lot of respect for his Quileute tribe. But most importantly, when Edward just up and left Bella at the beginning of the second book, New Moon, Jacob. Turned. Up. He was there for her when no one else was! Her confidant! Her distraction from heartbreak! Her motorbike instructor! Jacob may be something of a hothead, but that's part of his charm -- anger powers his transformation from ripped man to ferocious wolf capable of keeping Bella safe just as well as any vampire. He's got that living-human-being thing going for him, and he mainly wants what's best for Bella. That is, keeping her alive -- not letting her spend a perfect eternity with her undead crush.
Cons: He's like Bella's kid brother, or something -- they used to play in the sandbox together making mud-pies. And he's always two steps behind, like when he kept trying to "warn" Bella about the boyfriend with whom she was obviously enamored. She already knew what he was, Jake. Back off. Also, "imprinting" -- werewolf for "calling dibs" -- is no better than Edward's stalker-y tendencies. (Not to mention the fact that he spoiler alert imprints on her daughter.) At least Edward's all about letting Bella make up Bella's own mind.
Now, you decide: Edward or Jacob???
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