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For decades, ugly holiday-themed sweaters were a minor part of the Christmas season. They were lovingly lambasted like Grandma’s fruitcake, or eggnog made without liquor.
About a decade ago, companies started making sweaters that added blue humor to the red-and-green color scheme.
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For a certain section of the population, these types of ugly Christmas sweaters allow people to simultaneously enjoy the holiday while poking fun at the hullabaloo around it.
Looking for an ugly Christmas sweater that also expresses ugly truths about human behavior in party settings? We got your back.
Donald Trump Yuge Christmas
Considering how polarizing Trump is, don't be surprised if people build a wall around you at the Christmas party if you wear this sweater.
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Beer Pong
Wear this sweater and you won't go to a party, the party will come to you. Have to be honest: Having people chuck pingpong balls at you is going to get old real quick.
Santa Breaks The Internet
This doesn't show Santa's butt crack, but his curvaceous body is still the focus of this sweater. I'm sure Mrs. Claus is proud. So proud.
Cornhole Christmas
Please, Hallmark Channel, please feature this sweater in a romantic comedy starring Candace Cameron Bure. Bonus points: If you call the movie "Cornhole Christmas."
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Face Swap Santa
The fine people who made this sweater want you to know that you can swap out Santa's face with a photo of yourself. However, most people's eyes are glued to the bikini panties he's wearing. It's just how people are.
Whale Tail
Did you ever wonder what kind of underwear Santa wore? Me neither, but thanks to this sweater I have an image I can't get out of my head (shudder).
Naughty Santa
Yet another butt-baring Santa, this time he's getting punished by a very dominant Mrs. Claus. Maybe don't wear this to Midnight Mass?
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Ask Your Mom If I'm Real
Christmas is a time of love, goodwill, peace and, if this sweater is any indication, passive-aggressive suggestions of parentage. Ho ho whoa.
Send Nudes
This probably seemed a lot funnier back in the summer before all the allegations and accusations of sexual harassment started. It certainly seems uglier than the other ugly Christmas sweaters.
Rick And Morty
Considering how devoted the "Rick and Morty" fanbase is, I suspect you might be able to sell this for big bucks at any Christmas party you attend.
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Ranch Dressing
In recent years, companies have started using ugly Christmas sweaters to promote their product (and maybe a little peace and goodwill). I'm a purist: I want my ugly Christmas sweaters to actually be sweaters, not sweatshirts. Yes, sweaters are itchier, but a holiday sweater's itchiness is a feature, not a bug. Also, the patterns should cover the entire sweater, not just the middle. Amazingly, the actual Hidden Valley logo on this sweatshirt seems to be hidden.
Kiss Me Under The Mistletoe
True, this sweater suggests the wearer might be open-minded towards public displays of affection. However, I doubt wearing a mass-produced ugly Christmas sweater that hints none too subtly at oral sex counts as consent.
Cat Pizza Christmas
Cats are great. Christmas is great. Pizza is great. Mix them all together randomly on a shiny, shiny sweatshirt? Definitely ugly.
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Hairy Santa
The key to a good ugly Christmas sweater is in the details. Seems to me if you're wearing a sweater that is supposed to be Santa, the chest hair should be white or gray, not black.
Santa Elf Dual Sweater
This is a really cute sweater to wear to a Christmas party, provided your partner is somewhat the same height. Be prepared to hear lots of comments like "Where's Mrs. Claus?" or "Santa's got a side elf!"
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Alf
The Generation Gap (A Short Play by David Moye)
Me: "Hey kids! Look at this ugly Christmas sweater!"
Kids: "Who is that?"
Me: "What do you mean? That's Alf!"
My son: "What's an Alf?"
Me: "He's a character from an old sitcom. Alf stands for Alien Life Form."
My daughter: "Huh?" [Goes back to her phone.]
Me: "It was a funny show. Sort of."
My son: "That's OK, Dad. You do you."
Me: "Hey kids! Look at this ugly Christmas sweater!"
Kids: "Who is that?"
Me: "What do you mean? That's Alf!"
My son: "What's an Alf?"
Me: "He's a character from an old sitcom. Alf stands for Alien Life Form."
My daughter: "Huh?" [Goes back to her phone.]
Me: "It was a funny show. Sort of."
My son: "That's OK, Dad. You do you."
Rolling Stones
UglyChristmasSweater.com
Before you immediately click on this link to purchase this, just remember: There is no way Mick Jagger or Keith Richards would ever wear this. Definitely not Charlie Watts or Ron Wood either. Bill Wyman might, but he's not in the band anymore.
Christmas R2-D2
I don't know what I admire more about George Lucas: The way he regurgitated classic mythology tropes into a new series of legends or the shameless way he allowed his beloved characters to shill Christmas products.
Fun fact: Jon Bon Jovi once sang a song called "R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas."
Fun fact: Jon Bon Jovi once sang a song called "R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas."
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Gingerbread Man Light Saber Duel
If nothing says Christmas like gingerbread men in a lightsaber duel, what does that say about Christmas?
Monster Jam
Christmas is supposed to be about love, goodwill and kindness toward your fellow humans, right? So there's a part of me that wonders what message you send wearing an ugly Christmas sweater that says "Grave Digger"on it. Oh, it's the name of a truck? Ah. Thanks for clearing that up.
Drunk Santa
If this sweatshirt is any indication of what's really going on at the North Pole, maybe Santa should focus less on the eight reindeer and more on the 12 steps.
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Santa In Jail
This ugly Santa sweater seems like a natural continuation of what might happen when Santa gets three sheets to the wind.
Captain Morgan
Well, at least now we know who got Santa in trouble with the law: Good old Captain Morgan.
Throw Me A Bone
Yes, even dogs can join the ugly Christmas sweater craze. Whether they want to or not is something we won't know until someone invents a canine communication device. Someone invent that device. Please.
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