You’ve been there before, haven’t you?
You’ve spent months, perhaps years, visualizing your BIG dreams and ideas you know will someday change the world, yet…
You still don’t have much to show for it.
Maybe you’re waiting for the right time…
…For the perfect opportunity…
…For your circumstances to improve…
…or for the kids to finish school.
Whatever the reason, you intuitively know that waiting for everything to be “perfect” is a pipe dream.
We get so hung up on having to doing things perfectly, that we don’t do anything at all to move our dreams into reality.
We’ve all been there...
Utterly paralyzed by fear...
Afraid that if we make manifest our wildest dreams, we might just get everything we’ve ever wanted.
That somehow, having those things might change us, or worse yet…
Change how the people we hold near and dear to our hearts, relate to us.
Let’s face it, success changes people.
It changes the person it has been bestowed upon.
And it changes how the people in our lives feel about us.
Expectations change. We take on a sense of duty to use our success to enrich and elevate and give back…
And we believe we must do these things on a LARGE scale… right away.
And THAT’S an enormous responsibility to take on, on top of our daily life responsibilities.
It’s too overwhelming to even think about.
So we shirk our dreams, shrink back to our comfort zones, and keep doing what we’ve always done; meanwhile, hanging our calling out to shrivel up and die inside of us.
“I can’t really have it all”, we secretly think to ourselves, because having it all is somehow reserved for everybody else.
Eventually, we succumb to that thing cleverly disguised as “fear of failure” because we believe we must sacrifice a huge part of ourselves to have that ever-elusive thing called success.
Yet, we go on longing and hoping and dreaming… praying that someday, somehow, we’ll catch our big break as long as we set the right intentions and wait for our time to come.
And there will come a point and time when your calling and your fears come up against each other and will go toe to toe…
But only one will make it out on top.
Meet The Knock-Out Queen - Tar'Lese Trainer
This week’s featured #WCW knows all about this internal battle. She’s no stranger to adversity, self-defeating behavior, and being overwhelmed by life’s circumstances.
I sat down with Tar’Lese Trainer over a picnic lunch and had a surprisingly open and candid conversation about these things and what she did to set her goals on fire.
She’s totally crushing it in life these days; she’s the CEO/Founder of Body. Brains. Bank Account a 6-week coaching program that empowers women to transform these three areas in their lives; she’s a multiple six-figure earner in various home-based businesses; she’s the mastermind and creator behind Insta-Influence; and is married to her beloved twin-flame Matt.
I’ve been following Tar’Lese on Facebook for a couple of years and have observed how she uses her life experiences to lift up and empower women to break through those self-imposed glass ceilings and go after the things that are most important to them.
As she shared some of those experiences with me, I was struck by the matter-of-fact-ness by which she spoke. There was no hint of emotional attachment, but rather humbleness and the sense that she’d made peace with them.
“I’ve gone through a lot”, she began, unflinching as she recalled the adversities of her life, “my biological dad and step-dad passed away, my mom committed suicide, I was nearly evicted from my home, my car was repossessed and I had to ride my bike everywhere, I let my body go, and I turned to alcohol to avoid dealing with my life… I was in a dark place for a long time. I definitely played the 'woe-is-me' card.”
When did you have your “enough-is-enough” moment?
“I had two of those moments. A few years ago, I was in Fresno visiting my sister and had run into an old friend. When he saw me he said, 'Hey, how far along are you?', and I wasn’t pregnant. That was when I took control of my health and transformed my relationship with my body. Then, one day, I went to pick up my phone to make a phone call and found that it had been cut off. My bank account was a direct reflection of what I was going through inside, and I said to myself, ‘I can’t live like this anymore’, I’m a grown adult who can’t pay my bills. I knew I was meant to have a bigger life, so I reached out to a mentor, he paid to have my phone turned back on and I haven’t looked back since.”
What are the top three guiding principles in your business and life that got you “unstuck”?
- Being Grateful – “I set my alarm everyday for 12:34 and ask myself, ‘What am I grateful for today?’, I chose that number because if you add 1+2 or 2+3 or 3+4, it always comes back to a whole number. I take that time, every single day, to remind myself I am whole, that I don’t need anything external to validate myself, and that I’m grateful. Everyday I give gratitude for one brand new thing. I’ve done this every single day since 2009 and it has changed my life.”
- Structure – “I set a timer for everything that’s important and use tools that keep me on task. I have to be very intentional with my time because I want to do so much. I keep myself accountable with my schedule and don’t use an assistant. I do everything myself.”
- Imperfect Action – “Done is better than perfect. We often let our mind monkeys dictate what we should be doing because we let past results or future “what ifs” paralyze us. We get paralyzed by past stories that have nothing to do with right now and it stops us from doing what might possibly be the best thing for us in the present moment. Deep down we intuitively know what we need to do, so pay attention to those feelings and promptings and take inspired action then course correct as you go.”
What was the first personal development book you read that completely changed your life?
“Excuse Me, Your Life Is Waiting” by Lynn Grabhorn. It was the first time I got to see how my emotions were creating my experiences. I’ve become more aware and attuned now to what I’m feeling when I’m going through something and I can catch myself and turn things around.”
Final Thoughts for us?
“Don’t wait for everything to be perfect and don’t let your mind monkeys scare you into not doing anything at all. It’s better to take inspired action and believe that it’s going to happen, that your dreams are worth working for, no matter how small the action. Nothing ever turns out the way you plan anyways, so you might as well try something. It might just turn out better than you ever expected.”
Indeed, my friend, indeed.
Often times we let our life circumstances dictate the direction of our life and in the midst of what we're going through, it's tough to see the next right thing to do to pull ourselves out.
If experience is the greatest teacher, we should all take a page out of Tar’Lese’s book, and do one small thing imperfectly again and again until the tides turn in our favor. Don't let your fears knock you out, get up, keep jabbing and eventually you'll draw the power you need from within to knock your life and business out of the ballpark. Here's to you and all of your hopes and dreams. To learn more about Tar'Lese, find and follow her on any of her social media profiles listed here or check out her website, www.bodybrainsbankaccount.com.
If you're a woman who's up to BIG things and transforming lives with your business, and would like to be a #WCW featured woman, please go to www.lindapharathikoune.com, fill out the form, and return the questionnaire that will be sent to you.
Linda Pharathikoune is a freelance writer, author, and Founder/CEO of The Writing Room, LLC. She lives in a cabin in the mountains and is secretly obsessed with baby goats. Actually, it's no secret at all.