Wonder and enchantment has always come when I've been willing to be open, vulnerable and loving. I have never thought, "Wow, I'm glad I was unkind there." No, in fact it's the times that I have felt, I'm willing to be open, vulnerable, to risk something here that has moved me.
I have often had some of the most powerful exchanges with complete strangers that have left me in sublime wonder.
I was at a party the other night where I met a beautiful man, inside and out. We talked about life, our experiences with the Divine and all sorts of amazing things.
I looked intently into this exquisite man's eyes as I shared slices of my life with him. I sat in awe as he shared with me what it was like to be there for his grandmother when she was preparing to die. He shared how she asked him, "How much time do I have left?" and he said "I don't know, Gramma, maybe a day or two."
He shared with me what it was like to be there with her to look into her eyes at the moment of her passing.
He then assembled of bunch of folks at the party and sang a song for all of us, then I sang a song, and we all started singing along together!
The whole night we had a beautiful sense of connection, full of moments that were funny, deep and real.
At one point he came over to me and said he was leaving, as he was getting tired.
We then sat opposite each other as he told me what it was like to meet me and to be in my presence, how powerful, wonderful and special I am. I listened to what he said about me and really took it in.
It touched me so deeply that I began to cry.
We hugged each other, we looked at each other and broke out into laughter, deep belly laughs, and then he left.
What wonder I found to just be completely in the wonder of that experience just for it's sake!
In the past, that moment would have felt incomplete, without us exchanging numbers to stay in contact. Not this night. Not at this time in my life.
I was able to experience the joy of that moment in time completely, enjoy it without it having to promise me it would last forever.
I find that wonder is to be in love with life unconditionally, demanding no future reward
Ahhh Then I'm free! No heavy story attached, no future projection, just this now moment.
I sat on a street bench this week on a busy commuter street, just to do it.
I sat there doing nothing, it felt good. I noticed it was hard to find one person walking by that wasn't somehow attached to their phone, talking, texting, earphones. I thought, how much am I missing, what moments of wonder are passing me by as I'm on my phone, walking somewhere?
I watched the birds, interacting with each other, they seemed content to just be there.
I took a muffin out of my bag, crumbled it up and delighted in feeding the birds!
Then I resumed my doing nothing. I felt a sense of aliveness through my body the longer I sat there.
I could actually feel in the stillness the beauty of being alive.
Looking around, taking it all in.
Wonder comes in all forms, like the magical man I met the other night, or the homeless woman I met last week.
She came over to me from her mini-van while her daughter was sleeping in the back car seat.
She asked if I had any change I could spare.
I gave her what I could and we began to talk.
She looked tired, the kind of tired that tests your soul and makes you wonder if God exists.
She told me how her husband had suddenly left her for another woman, and he wasn't paying child support and a string of other events that had led her to becoming homeless. I thought, she and I aren't very different.
With another turn of the coin, that could be me asking. I admired her bravery, the bravery it takes to risk asking, to risk what people think of you. I wondered if I could be that brave in her shoes.
I wanted to give her more than the little money I shared with her, I wanted to give her some of her humanity back for all that she had lost and all that she had to do now to get it back
To share a smile and a laugh about the absurdity of life and what we're all doing here is what I had to offer that day.
I didn't really want our moment to end, I wanted to do more but I didn't know what to do. I gave her my card and said call me when it get's hard, I can talk you through it, I'm good at that.
She took my card. She hasn't called, she may never call.
It may be that that moment was complete in itself. I'm grateful for another teaching on unconditional love for this moment without expectations of another, of more, but to love this moment and let it be it's finished art piece and just put it on the wall of my heart, another beautiful moment of life sharing it's wonder with me.
I'm grateful for her and for her unexpected impact on the canvas of my life.
As an artist, I realize that Life IS Art! I'm either making a portrait of ghastly ghouls and scary images, or I'm painting a powerful goddess walking amongst the trees and flowers in a garden patch.
Which one am I creating in this moment?
It's all art, it's all beautiful, and it's all my choice! It's my story, how do I want to write it?
What do I want the masterpiece of my life to be?
What colors, what images do I want to portray?
Wonder is like art, it's wild, it's improvisational its undomesticated! It takes risks! It risks looking foolish to live with such an open heart, looking child like, when I say I'm going to love it all!
The child builds the sand castle with no expectation that it will be it's legacy, that it will be there forever, No.
The tide rolls in, washes sand castle away and the child looks and says, "Oh Mommy look there's a seashell over there!" She's already on to the next moment!
Can I let life touch me like great art does? Then I find that I am actually not alone at all!
Life is continually sending me lovers, a stranger, a bird, the people walking to the train station after work. Can I fall in love with this moment? Can I love this one in front of me now?
Can this experience I'm having now be lover in this moment?
You know what?! Ha ha... In every moment I'm game to find out!
The answer to these existential questions do not live in my mind, the answers reveal themselves as I'm in relationship with and engaged in this wonder called Life, this being human!
Guess what life?! I'm here... I'm present... I'm affected! And I'm honored...