I had taken a break from dating over the first half of the summer into middle of July, and slowly as the summer winds down, gotten back in the game.
It’s time. Fall is cuddle season, no? Winter even more so. Besides, a lady needs a hand shoveling. Let’s prep ahead of time girls, shall we?
Okay, I kid.
Dating profiles today are short and sweet...well, not all of them. You just don’t have enough room, time or the other person’s attention span to say what we need to say or want to say (secretly). There are a few things I know that I wish I could say, but really can’t given the nature of this new wave way of dating, beast.
1. Nice Abs, But Can You Talk?
I love a nice pair of abs and today, men love to flash them and go on and on ad nausem about their crossfit habits but, can you talk?
Are you capable of conversation? Of listening? Are you naturally curious about your partners and do you enjoy learning about other people?
Yes, I would love it if you’ll run with me and plank and burpee away, but I need you to be able to talk and think about others and the world around you.
2. Are You Ready To Commit?
Connection is hard to find. It’s special. If it was easy to find, love would be no big deal.
That said, if you are out in the dating field, are you actually ready to commit?
There are many people that just aren’t, even after years of being single or even when they’re up there in age.
Being able to stick things through, develop a connection and commit to seeing where a partnership can go is really important.
You can have chemistry and passion...shared interests...and all of it, but without that desire to develop a connection and commitment to that development, it doesn’t really matter.
It’s like a gorgeous shiny new car with a dead engine. It looks great and it should drive well, but it’s not going anywhere.
Someone who can commit is really a gem!
3. I Won’t Fawn All Over You Right Away. Sorry
I notice guys seem to want instant kissy-kissy huggy huggy...flirty flirty from the start of messages.
One guy’s intro to me was that he thinks he might be too tall to make out with me. Meanwhile, I was still trying to decipher if I was going to message him back. Racing right to sexual issues of his 6’5 height and my 5’1 and a half height was way ahead of the pace of things.
PS. Tall guys: I love you. I have no issues of doing whatever it takes to minimize my height limitations.
I’m not cold or distant fellas. I just don’t know you yet. I want to meet you and see face to face, who I am messaging.
4. If We Don’t Connect, I Still Would Be Your Friend
I know...guys don’t like this. My problem is I have met a lot of nice guys I would be friends with in a second.
I think if the connection isn’t there, men should consider friendship. Why? Let’s be honest: when you date after divorce, the dating pool is more shallow. Make friends...they’ll have friends...you never know what can happen.
Friendships enrich our lives. Be open to it.
5. Please Don’t Call Me Baby
One guy called me baby, sexy and what have you from message two. It was too much. I hadn’t even met him yet.
On the other hand, if we are involved, please call me a nice pet name of your choice.
But otherwise, upon first chatting, it sounds sleazy and annoying.
6. I’m Very Outgoing But Please, Can Our First Date Be Coffee/Tea?
I’m not shy but I hate to settle into a lengthy first date. Let’s keep it low pressure.
Thanks, Signed: The Management.
7. Just Be You: You Don’t HAVE To Impress Me
I’m glad you travel. I’m glad you have nice fancy stuff that makes you happy.
But really, what matters to me are your values. Your sense of humor. How you treat others and how you treat yourself. What activities and people matter to you.
Who you are at the heart of it all.
Because really, that is who we are ALL trying to know: each other’s hearts.
It’s not the laundry list of activities and careers and life arrangements that really get us to lock down and love someone. It’s the person’s heart. If that person’s heart speaks to us— and vice versa.
The rest of it is just the details, really.