If there is one thing that I regret from my teenage years, it is losing my virginity to a person who was far from my ideal partner. We weren’t dating, and I was stupid enough to go with the flow of a guy who now means nothing to me. I don’t even have any good memories of being with him!
Eight years later, I keep thinking, “I shouldn’t have done that!” But we learn from our mistakes, which is why I want to share the lessons I learned with you.
It’s All About You
I have a friend who says his first time was horrible because he only thought about what she was feeling and he never thought about himself during the act. I did exactly the same thing. I was thinking about him (not my friend, the guy who I lost my virginity to), not about me. Wrong. I (and he!) should be thinking about me, and all the emotions that I was passing through at that moment instead of fulfilling his desire of sexual satisfaction.
Lubricant Is a Must
When one of my closest friends decided to tell me that he was thinking about losing his virginity with his girlfriend, I gave him a bottle of lubricant. He asked why he would need it when women produce vaginal lubrication during a sex act. The explanation is simple: The first time is going to hurt, and your natural lubrication might not be enough in the moment. Just a tiny bit can make miracles happen and the pain a little less evident.
Feel Comfortable With Yourself
I know, this is an hard job. I feel it every day. But feeling comfortable in your own body and not being afraid to show it —all of it — to your other half is a big deal during your first time. Your muffin top, bones that jut out and butt dimples are as much a part of you as your perfectly shaped brows and shampoo commercial-ready hair. You will learn that you don’t need another pair of eyes to see you naked for you to feel beautiful — because you are already beautiful!
Have Sex When You Are Ready
As I said before, it’s all about you. It’s your body, and you decide if you want someone to touch you in such a private way or not. If you made up your mind about losing your virginity and you change your mind at the last second, it is your right to do so! No one should feel pressured to be intimate with someone when she’s not psychologically ready to do so.
Learn From Your First Time
I am not talking about sex tips for your next romp in the sheets. Sharing your body with someone for the first time will give you emotions and thoughts that you’ve probably never had because your feelings for each other will change. And not necessarily in a bad way, but they will change. Talking about it will make you both understand what sex really meant for both of you.
That’s what I learned from losing my virginity. I may regret my partner, but I don’t regret the act because I learned from it and now you’re learning from it.
This post was first published on Cambio on June 10, 2015