Someday, many, many years from now, long after the epidemic of Type 2 diabetes has settled in and further ravaged our already struggling health care system, anthropologists and other social scientists will search for clues as to why highly educated populations such as the United States, Europe, and those elsewhere, succumbed to such an illness -- particularly in light of all that we know about what usually causes Type 2 diabetes and how to best treat it.
Someday, after I am long gone, I foresee a headline on the front page of the local paper -- oh no wait, we probably won't have newspapers then, probably news updates will only appear on our personal information devices, commonly referred to as PIDs (I made that word up, but I think it will certainly catch on). Anyway, the headline will read, "Thumb size may be best predictor of longevity." The article will say something like this:
Researchers from an online university have discovered that the size of the thumb bones of men and women living in the early 21st century are inversely proportional to the size of the muscle mass in their thighs.
Thumb size was also found to be highly correlated with longevity. The study conducted by a group of scientists from the Silicon Valley Virtual University (hereafter referred to as SVVU) looked at both men and women between 25 and 50 years of age who died of obesity, Type 2 diabetes or heart disease between 2060 and 2070.
Radioactive isotope studies and basically looking through a high-powered microscope revealed that the thumb bone, which is connected to the wrist bone, which is connected to the arm bone, was more dense and contained a higher mineral content than persons born 100 years earlier.
Furthermore, evaluation of the thumb's surrounding musculature revealed a statistical significant 52 percent increase in size of the muscles that flex and extend the thumb. Dr. Tom Thomas Thomason, lead researcher of the study was quoted as saying, "We are puzzled by the findings at the moment but will enlist the support of the world's best minds and try to make sense of what we have found."
Off the record, Dr. Thomason said that once all of the data is looked at carefully by everyone involved, he believes that the present theory that anyone with a larger than usual thumb is caused by adolescent sucking of the thumb will be debunked in favor of a newly-emerging theory that larger thumbs are now the result of evolutionary changes adapting to the increasing reliance on remote control devices in the 21st century, such as remotes for the garage door, remotes for the television, remotes to lock and unlock the car, video game controllers, and texting.
In response to the highly repetitive nature of texting and the use of video controllers, muscles controlling the thumb(s) must become stronger and have greater endurance. We have uncovered some unpublished data that indicates the average male or female of high school age texts an average of 50-100 times per day. This places a tremendous overload on the flexion and extension muscles of the thumb.
Additionally, with all of the time spent using remote control devices for gaming and to make physical jobs easier, people in the early 21st century became far less active. It is my belief that this has led to the increase in death due to obesity, heart disease and diabetes.
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