Three Options For What Trump And Putin Might Have Discussed In That Second Secret Meeting

07/19/2017 06:47 am ET Updated Jul 19, 2017

Word is that Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin held a second, undisclosed, private conversation on July 7, during the final dinner of the G-20 heads of state. So, what did they talk about during that hour long conversation? It was just Trump and Putin and Putin’s interpreter. Only the Russians—and possibly Donald Trump—know what was said. But here’s a few possible scenarios:

Obviously bored by the evening, Trump sidles down the sprawling dinner table passes by the leaders of America’s closest allies and their wives and plumps himself down beside Vladimir Putin.

OPTION A

D.T. Hi again, Vlad. What a bore, right? Gotta find out who had the bright idea of sitting me next to Merkel. You got Melania.

Vlad: Luck of the draw, Donald.

D.T: My steak was undercooked. What about your’s, Vlad?

Vlad: Gee, Donald, mine was just fine. But I saw they gave you an extra scoop of ice cream on the chocolate cake.

D.T. A condition to my showing up, Vlad. Wow, did you get a look at that blonde waitress, with the big...

Vlad: We thought you might like her. Katya, she’s Estonian. If you’re really interested, I think we can put you in touch.

OPTION B

D.T. Vlad, uh... you gotta moment? I didn’t want to get into this with Rex around. He can be pretty nosy sometimes.

Vlad: What’s the problem?

D.T. They’ve found out about that meeting your people had with Junior and the others last June. Gotta come up with some kind of statement to keep those lying s.o.b.’s from the media happy.

Vlad: Guess you do, Donald. Lucky they still haven’t uncovered where it all led to ― as yet. You know ― with Manafort and Flynn and Sessions... Not sure we can keep all that quiet. Guess it could wind up being pretty embarrassing to you—if it somehow got out.

D.T. Your people wouldn’t go public with any of that, Vlad? Not after all the beautiful moments we’ve had together.

Vlad: Of course, not Donald... but then there’s also that video tape of you and... those girls. Have to say, even I was a bit shocked. But, I’m sure we can work something out. Always willing to do a favor for a good friend like you. Assuming of course, that friend reciprocates.

OPTION C

D.T. Hi Vlad. Need to talk. I wanna keep all this stuff going on as a deal between thee and me. You know, I make such beautiful deals.

Vlad: Of course, Donald, I keep “The Art of the Deal” by my bedside, reread it now 12 times.

D.T. Great Vlad. I’ll mention it in my next Tweet. But I wanna get clear with you where we stand on those loans I still have from your banks and business buddies. And those joint investments we’ve made.

Vlad: Right, we have been a bit worried lately about some of the things we’ve heard about your financial troubles. We realize if we were to call in any of those debts, it could, well, it could ruin you.

D.T. Heh, heh, shouldn’t believe everything you hear, Vlad. Want to make clear everything’s going on schedule. Just beautiful. No problems. None at all!! NO-THING!!

Vlad: You should keep your voice down. Trudeau and Macron are looking this way.

D.T. Jerks, both of them. Losers. Though Macron’s wife’s not bad—considering. I could even be...

Vlad: Yes, Donald, But, I need to know why we aren’t seeing any results yet from our efforts. You know—the loans, the investments, the files from the DNC, the thousands of manufactured news stories for your alt-right?

D.T. Come on, Vlad. With all the stuff that’s come out about the goings on between your guys and my guys over the past year or so, I can’t be seen diving into bed with you, you understand. Not just yet.

But believe me, we’re going to have a beautiful relationship... just beautiful. I’ve got a little problem with congress, trying to block us removing sanctions and stuff. Sad, very Sad. But we’re fighting that tooth and nail in the White House, tooth and nail, believe me. The sanctions, the travel restrictions, all that unfair crap, that’s all going down the toilet, believe me, Vlad. We’re going to win—bigly.

Vlad: Understood, my great friend. No one’s talking about jumping into bed. But we are getting a bit impatient. Understandably. After all, you are the President, you have full control of your Congress and Senate, you should be able to move. I know you’ve got that fake press after you, and loud mouthed democrats always creating problems. Why should such a great leader as you have to deal with such pygmies? If you want, I will send someone to give you tips on how to dispose of such annoyances.

D.T. Good idea, Vlad. Get them to call Junior to set up a meeting.

Barry Lando has just published a novel, “Deep Strike” about Russian hackers, rogue CIA agents and a new American president. Available on Amazon as Kindle or soft cover.

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