A few years ago, when my daughter was about six years old, she was given some money from a family member to go shopping for a birthday gift. That following weekend, she and I headed to the toy store looking over the hundreds of ways she could best spend the money she was given. After not finding anything she liked or could afford at the local toy stores, we decided to go to Walmart.
I just knew she would find the perfect affordable toy there.
And she did.
As we walked into the doll section, I was surprised to see the variety of doll complexions that were now on the shelves. My daughter had already been gifted many black dolls, but she certainly didn’t have all of them. So I just knew she was looking for another beautiful black baby doll to add to her collection. Though I was convinced, I was okay with whatever complexion of doll she picked.
Until she picked up a beautiful white doll with blue eyes and blonde hair.
“I want this one!” She said with extreme excitement.
“Are you sure?” I said looking around in case there were any other black people around me. I knew there happened to be an unspoken code in my culture regarding purchasing a white doll.
“Yes!” She said.
I looked over at another doll which happened to be black and said, “ You don’t like this one?”
“Yes, but I want this one!”
“Okay!” I went to grab the doll and put it in the cart, but she wanted to hold the doll in her hand while we walked to the register.
As we walked, I felt like every black person in Walmart was staring at me and shaking their head. Of course, no one probably noticed, but there was something about that moment that made me feel otherwise.
It could have been because I was always taught to get black baby dolls, so I felt like I was breaking some kind of loyalty code.
“They think I’m a sellout” I thought to myself.
“Every black person is probably thinking why does her daughter have that white babydoll, how dare she!”
After walking what felt like the walk of shame, we finally made it to the register and although the clerk did look at me strange, I smiled and we paid for the doll.
As I sat in the car and began driving home, I couldn’t help but think about what had just happened. Why did I feel so condemned about purchasing a white baby doll? Why did I almost feel like a sell out because my daughter wanted to buy a white doll? How far was I supposed to go in convincing her to get a black doll because ‘She is black?'
The days and months that followed were filled with more moments of soul searching as my daughter took that doll with her everywhere she went. She had never carried any doll around as much as that one. And each time we walked out the house with her blonde hair, blue eyed doll, I was confronted with a choice. Would I feed the idea that having all black dolls would make her more aware of her identity and somehow having white dolls would make her insecure? Would I feed the lie that because she was black, she could only play with black baby dolls? Or would I choose to walk boldly and resist the temptation to embrace a prejudice mindset that was shaped by the noise around me?
Sure, I've encountered some racial injustices, and honestly some were from the most unexpected places. It was hurtful, but those few encounters are not the moments that I choose to allow to shape my core belief. Those are all isolated events that pale in comparison to the kindness and support I have experienced in my lifetime, especially from whites.
It was that season that shaped the core of who I am and my passion for sharing a heavenly perspective surrounding the topic of race.
It’s so easy to introduce a prejudice to our children and sugar coat it as ‘identity.’ If I had forced my daughter to purchase a black doll rather than the white doll, I would have been the first person to plant a seed of prejudice in my daughter's heart. Not intentionally but indefinitely, and I would have been accountable for that.
Over time, I began to realize that this doll was more than just a doll to her, she was a friend. She was a friend like the ones she had at school, gymnastics, and church. This doll resembled the world we had intentionally placed her in. A world full of diversity and a hopeful passion for unity and if her world is diverse, her dolls should be too!
See, racism isn’t something that spreads from one generation to the next only through hate. It’s also spread through ‘love’. A mother or father doesn’t tell their child to stay away from a specific group of people because they hate their child. They say it because they love them and their fears, insecurities, and uncertainties are passed on to them as protection. A mother or father doesn’t only purchases black dolls for their black daughter because they hate her. Not at all, they do it because they want her to be proud of their identity.
Yes, there are more white dolls on the market than black dolls! But for a moment, let's consider it from a business perspective. The 2010 census tells us that there are 223,553,265 White Americans and 38,929,319 Black Americans in the United States. Just looking at those numbers (not debating why the numbers are so different) isn’t it entirely logical to have more white dolls than black?
There are more black dolls than Chinese, Asian, Indian, and even less for a mixed child. What about them?
As a Christian parent, I know that I should be preparing my children for heaven and teaching them how to have a heavenly response and perspective to the issues that exist in the world they live in, like racism. Shouldn’t this mean that even her dolls should resemble the heavenly world that she will one day enter into?
It is my opinion, that if we desire to stop the cycle of racism by both blacks and whites, we must stop introducing it to our children. We should instead focus on teaching them their identity in Christ and what promises have been given to us as sons and daughters of God. I believe as we continue to do this, cultural limitations that have been established will fade as they fall short of the promises that have been granted to us as children of God.
So this Christmas, no matter what race you may be, consider purchasing a doll that isn’t your complexion and preparing your children for what heaven will be like. If this new doll sparks conversation, great! Talk about it.