CNN is Smoking Crack

03/26/2007 04:07 pm ET Updated May 25, 2011

As the typical suburban housewife, I will admit I enjoy my fair share of tabloid news. Of course I would never be caught dead buying one of those rags in the grocery store...but, if I happen to come across one, I just might peek inside to see what Tom has Katie doing this week, or what weight loss magic Oprah is working.

That does not excuse today's news cycle on CNN.

It is my understanding there is a rather large international crisis looming in the UK and Iran-one with some very large implications. There is this war going on in Iraq, a historic moment in Northern Ireland, even some semi-news about our current (today anyway) attorney general.

I'm just curious why CNN keeps telling me about Anna Nicole Smith. Autopsy results are in, yeah...saw that. All those who really care raise their hands.

Don't give me that BS that this is the news America really wants. I'm not buying it. I am America...freaking white and Donna Reed as apple pie over here. CNN-do you HEAR ME??? I DON'T GIVE A SHIT. I turn to you FOR NEWS. N-E-W-S. Not entertainment news. Not gossip. NOT what some bimbo died of in the Bahamas.

I have very little time, in between eating bon bons and getting my nails done, to get my headlines. You have spent all day "developing" the Anna Nicole story. Apparently you think I care. Apparently you think I want to watch. Apparently you think this will boost your ratings.

CNN, you are smoking crack. I am now going to make fun of you, much like I make fun of Fox News. You are now both to be held up as examples of how NOT to be journalists.

At least Fox is talking about the UK/Iran thing right now. You are discussing what Anna's lawyer/lover/whatever feels today.


I'm sorry, but is your news director out sick or something? Are you letting the interns run the place today? FOX IS DOING A BETTER JOB AT NEWS TODAY THAN YOU ARE.

I'm going to go hide in my mini-van now. The world is obviously crumbling around me.