01/11/2007 10:21 pm ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

Immigration for Preschoolers

Wow. You really hate Mexicans.

You can't be bothered to vote or pick up your dog's shit on your morning walk but you can sure get rilled up over Pizza promotions. You even care enough to spew death threats at Pizza Patron for accepting Pesos along with good ol' American dollars.

Seriously? This is what upsets you? Death threats

Maybe it's because I grew up on a "border" state and our vending machines accepted funny coins. My pockets and purses always had a mix of those grand American bills right next to those Commie Canadian ones.

That's right. It may shock you to learn many Detroit area stores and GASP! pizza joints accept Canadian money.

Wait. Let me stop you before you start leaving those really nice comments you always leave me...I realize this debate isn't about the money. Or so you say. It's about those "damn" illegals moving into your neighborhood, right? Standing at your bus stop? Sending their kids to school along with your little angels? And now businesses are catering to those "damn" illegals and it just "encourages" them, you say.

Sounds like we had better form a commission! Let's call it the Dillingham Commission and let's conclude that the nation's problems are the result of "inferior" migrants (legal or otherwise) and "recommended that the federal government use literary tests to prevent poor and uneducated immigrants from entering the nation and causing further social unrest." Wow. Those are the ones that came here legally, too. Imagine the...what was it..."social unrest" the illegals cause!

Oh, wait. That was 1907. American History. Damn that stuff will kick you in the ass sometimes.

Alright, since our current immigration "problem" is now a political lightening rod, why not ask the kids how to solve this conundrum for the ages? Here is the transcript of the conversation I just had with my 3 1/2-year old over the immigration issue:

"Honey, come here for a minute...Do you remember what country we live in?"
"Ummmm....the States of California."
"Close...the United States of ...."
"Yes! Very good!"
"Do you think we should let people from other countries come here and live?"
"What if they snuck in, like...under a fence..."
"Sure, they can live here."
"But what if they want to use their NOT American money here? Should we let them?"
"Why should we let them?"
"Because we're nice!"
"Even if they snuck in? And didn't ask us if they could come into our country?"
"Because we share! We always share! Here Mom, they can have THIS!"
(He's holding up his Lightening McQueen toy)

There you have it. I'm going to share. You keep threatening to kill people.