On election night, in front of the world, newly-elected President of the United States Barack Obama promised his daughters Malia and Sasha a puppy.
It took about 5 seconds for the debate to rage about what type would be best suited to be the First Doggie.
Obama wanted a hypo-allergenic dog, but several canine experts were quick to point out they don't exist. Then the American Kennel Club and the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals decided to throw down about whether the big O's should get a purebred pup or, as Obama himself said, a "mutt like me."
But here we are nearly a month after the historic election, and despite fact that the publicists of every four-legged thing that barks have been working their angle for why their full-blood or mongrel is the most presidential -- nothing yet.
My automatic response to the canine conundrum is the obvious: Obama needs a Chihuahua.
Let's face it, Obama getting a Chihuahua is the only way we'll ever get a Mexican in the White House! Don't believe me? I give you exhibit A: Bill Richardson.
Never mind that Big Bill was kicked out of the Democratic presidential primary dogpile because he couldn't compete with the woman, the black man, the guy who's wife got cancer and because he refused to run as "the Hispanic." And really, no one west of New Mexico even knew or cared that Bill Richardson was Latino.
Then he gets punked on Secretary of State (which he would have rocked at, by the way) for Hillary Clinton -- his main woman who he threw under the bus to support Obama! Richardson was named Commerce Secretary Wednesday morning, not too shabby but not exactly high-profile either.
Exhibit B: the "Latino vote." Hispanics voted 2-to-1 for Obama versus McCain on Election Day (duh, I can't believe this was ever in question), offering up two-thirds of their vote for the Black candidate. If you'll recall, some shadowy band of idiots decided to float the notion that Hispanics were too racist to vote for a Black man and the news media were on it like white on rice, but I've digressed...
My point is that some of those Latino voters feel they are "owed" for their troubles and, on the issue of immigration law reform, many have already threatened to storm the capital with marchers the day after Obama's inauguration to demand it.
If Obama gets a Chihuahua -- not the prissy kind like the Beverly Hills Chihuahua -- a strong, brave one (like the Beverly Hills Chihuahua's gardener's dog!), it'll soften things.
Can't you just imagine the press release? "President-Elect Barack Obama runs for the border with pup pick: Chihuahua brings dog-acity of hope to relations with Latin America."
Now, the fact is that Obama told Barbara Walters he didn't want a "little, yappy, dog ... that, like, sits on your lap and things." Well, that's a toughie but if he can't handle all the trash talk coming out of a Chihuahua's mouth, how's he going to broker peace in the Middle East? Besides, there are many other reasons to get a Chihuahua into the White House.
· He's already getting heat over there being too much "Chicago" in the White House; Chihuahuas are definitely more L.A. and New York.
· They're so small he can get two -- one for each daughter.
· If he gets two girl Chihuahuas he can buy Sarah Palin's wardrobe and get the White House dry-cleaner to shrink them down to tiny-doggy size -- for state dinners and such.
· If he get's an (un-related) boy/girl pair, he can be the first black president and the first president to require a Presidential Whelping Box.
But the best reason for Obama to get a Chihuahua is ... they perfectly represent Obama: they were mutts of Toltec and Chinese descent, they're frequently cast as the strong and ultimately victorious underdog, and ... they're known for getting what they want. Like Obama, they're definitely a mutt above the rest.
A Chihuahua in the White House? -- that's my dog-acity of hope.
Yes, those are Esther J. Cepeda's Chihuahuas ... some stereotypes are true.