09/28/2012 07:15 pm ET Updated Nov 28, 2012

Why I Will Never Homeschool My Children

I love my kids, don't get me wrong. I think that they are equal parts brilliant, creative and adventurous (much like any parent thinks of his offspring). But do I want to be responsible for teaching them all that they know? Heck, NO! There are many reasons why, but as homeschooling has grown into a dynamic and engaging alternative to high-priced private schools and failing public schools, it's time that I address why homeschooling scares the absolute bejeezes out of me.

My kids behave, sometimes. The thought of running a one room schoolhouse terrifies me. But more than that, let's be honest, I'm not super keen on spending every waking moment with them. You know the age old adage "absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Well, in my case, it makes me adore my children (almost) unconditionally. When I am given a bit of a break from my brood, I relish the time that I do spend with them. Homeschooling parents, HOW DO YOU DO IT?

Then we have to deal with the very real truth that math terrifies me. I have a son delving into algebra with fervor. There is no way that I can teach that kid what he needs to know. There is a reason why I only taught up to the third grade. It's really all that I can handle. I know my strengths and weaknesses, why pretend?

I love taking my kids to the museum, aquarium, library and cultural fairs (not sure what those are, but it sounds good). But it's exhausting. I do it because it's a valuable educational opportunity (and partly out of motherly guilt, I am Jewish after all), but that doesn't make it any easier. If those things were part of their curriculum (hold up, a curriculum that I need to create?), that responsibility would frighten me. I would feel the need to make every moment a learning experience, and lately all I'm really working on right now is getting my children to stop bickering.

That's another thing. Since they are so close in age, they do a great deal of fighting. It's a never-ending whirlwind of tattling. It's getting old. I get a lot of "he pushed me" and "he teased me" and "I hit him." I love when they go to school so that I can stop being the referee. I am SO over being the referee. They are in separate classes, and they are all thriving in their own learning environments. If they had to be together ALL DAY, EVERY DAY, I think that all four of us would go completely insane. Actually, I know so.

I admire the homeschooling parents that I know. They really relish the opportunity to help their children grow. I just know that I could never be one of them. You know what I dig? Dropping my kids off at school. I'm really good at that. As a matter of fact, I'm gonna own that puppy. Who's with me?