THE BLOG
12/04/2008 05:12 am ET Updated May 25, 2011

Lipstick on Doggerel

I wrote this bit of doggerel a while ago but only just got around to making it hyperdoggerel by equipping the stanza numbers with links. (Warning: VI and XVII may autostart.)

I

Sarah's bridge
Is falling down;
From Nowhere hangs
Her brief renown.

II

Take the key,
Earmark her up.
Potomac swag
O'erflows her cup.

III

From sleds and Cessnas
Jeeps and trucks
She stalks the feral
Federal bucks.

IV

With talking points
The coaches fill her,
And tales of worlds
Beyond Wasilla.

V

Of falsehoods she's
A flush Niagara.
For John McCain
She is Viagra.

VI

Her smirking lips
Inflame his ember
Her barmy May
His chill December.

VII

She stoops to conquer.
She conks to stupor.
Fear her wrath
If you're a trooper.

VIII

Exacting sweet
Revenge, she'll flout laws
And strive to make
Ex-in-laws outlaws.

IX

Her state and neck
Already red
Why did she need
A tanning bed?

X

Her faith is sure
The kooks to capture:
Ah, Armageddon!
Ah, the Rapture!

XI

She'll set her strait
Censorious elves
To cull the herds
On library shelves.

XII

Her science gives
Scientists conniptions:
The Dinosaurs lived
With the Egyptians.

XIII

The icecaps melt
The tundra simmers
But polar bears
Are excellent swimmers.

XIV

Rubberless
Let youngsters ponder:
Abstinence makes
The heart grow fonder.

XV

Rape victims, you
Must bear your babies:
No ifs, no buts,
No frickin maybes.

XVI

Your whining tries
Wasilla's patience:
Pay for your own
Investigations!

XVII

Dick in lipstick
George in puce pumps
No wonder the Governor
Gives me goosebumps.

XVIII

Her path to power
Let none impede:
Vote her Most Likely
To Secede!