07/07/2014 01:51 pm ET Updated Dec 06, 2017

Pre-Wedding Jitters: An Internal Warning Sign to Run

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Have you ever wondered why we as women, from an early age, fill our heads with images of diamond engagement rings, gorgeous gowns, and ideas of the perfect wedding? Sadly, a lot of us forget that our wedding day is just that, only a day. And what truly matters is the fact that we're committing to spending the rest of our lives with another person. We get so caught up in being a bride and a wife that we forget about the marriage. Call it what you will -- pre-wedding jitters, bridal nerves, cold feet, or premarital doubts. But what you shouldn't do is ignore the fact that your subconscious might be signaling an alarm that something is not right. So yes, pay attention to those lurking doubts you're having because they're acting as indicators that trouble might lay ahead!


In my opinion if you find yourself facing any of these problems, run -- don't walk -- to the nearest border of your city, state and/or country! Does your relationship or partner have a history of?

• Verbal, Emotional, Physical, or Sexual Abuse
• Alcohol, Drugs, Sex, or Gambling Addictions
• Deceitfulness (lying, stealing, cheating)
• Conflicting attitudes and beliefs about money, religion, plans for a family

Don't get me wrong, not everyone with wedding nerves should stop and think of becoming a runaway bride or calling off the wedding. But with half of all marriages ending in divorce it's important to really listen to your gut instincts before you get married. It's sad but true that every 36 seconds a couple divorces in the United States, equating to 2,400 divorces per day, 16,800 divorces per week and 876,000 divorces a year. That's a lot of couples going through a lot of heartache year after year. I should know, I've been divorced twice in my life. And both times my own inner voice was way more practical than I was. I couldn't get my head out of the clouds long enough to really evaluate what I was getting myself into. I chose to share all of my insecurities in my recent memoir RAW: One Woman's Journey through Love, Loss, and Cancer.

You may also wish to hesitate about getting married if you notice that:

• You and your partner fight a great deal
• One or both of you do not fight fair
• You or your partner frequently withdraws from one another (the silent treatment)
• One or both of you disrespect one another in front of others
• One or both of you have been unfaithful to the other
• You no longer have a good time together as a couple
• You don't have the same values, goals, and ideas about money

It's important to know researchers from UCLA have reported in the Journal of Family Psychology that women who have doubts before their wedding have a higher risk of marital problems and divorce. You may want to take the time to ask yourself are those really wedding bells your hearing or a natural disaster warning siren? The truth is that marital bliss boils down to a basic gut instinct. So I ask, are you a better person with him or without him?

Fiona Finn is the author of RAW: One Woman's Journey Through Love, Loss, and Cancer. Please feel free to check out Fiona's website at

Source for above facts on divorce in the United States.