03/31/2015 12:17 pm ET Updated May 30, 2015

Democrats Introduce 'Free Indiana From Knob Heads' Bill

Today, in a rare show of political testicles, the Indiana Democratic Party introduced the "Free Indiana from Knob Heads" bill. The law would make it illegal for Indianans to be Knob Heads in any way, shape or form. And it would also give individuals and businesses the right to refuse to serve anyone acting or indeed sounding like a total Knob Head.

Under the proposed law, "Knob Heads" are defined as those who support the Constitution while denying gay people their rights; those who are pro-life and for the death penalty; those who are fiscally conservative while embracing multi-billion dollar government shutdowns; and finally those who bang on about the sanctity of life, while claiming the right of all Americans to obliterate each other with AK47s.

The "Free Indiana from Knob Heads" bill would make it a crime for people to hold such contradictory, nonsensical positions -- punishable by the immediate revocation of all their state rights and deportation to Texas.

In a statement, the Chairman of the Indiana Democratic Party, John Zody said: This bill is long overdue and is a significant upgrade from this state's existing "Knob Head" legislation, which is of course called "Don't ask, don't tell." We hope therefore that with the help of our saner Republican colleagues that we'll be able to ensure that the bill quickly passes both houses so we can send it to the Governor to sign."

Governor Pence meanwhile signaled his disapproval of the legislation in an appearance on ABC's Meet The Pratt. Pence said: "This bill is totally unnecessary because I can categorically confirm that Indiana does not have a pressing or overwhelming Knob Head problem.

At the same time, Pence announced that he will shortly be signing another piece of legislation into law -- the "Deportations for Jesus" Act, otherwise known as the "No Jews, Buddhists, Hindus, and Muslims Left Behind" Act.