How Bad Theology Kept Her in An Unhealthy Marriage, and How Good Theology Got Her Out
We have been riveted by the tragedy of Whitney Houston's untimely death. Accounts of drug use and a fallen icon have flooded the media. Yet, little has been said about how herself-professed faith may have contributed to both her downfall and eventual escape from an unhealthy marriage relationship.
In her last major interview with Oprah Winfrey in 2009, Whitney states that she stayed in the marriage, endured abuse, infidelity and humiliation and engaged in self-destructive behaviors in her effort to be a "good" Christian wife. No matter what happened, she felt she had to remain because as she quotes, "What God has brought together, let no man put asunder."
Yet, Whitney's statements about letting, indeed inviting, her husband "to take control of her life," and that a wife must do whatever her husband says is not a new concept. In fact, the concept of women being required, as a matter of faith and faithfulness, "to submit" to their husbands in all things is the pervasive normative gospel preached in churches across racial, denominational and geographical lines. Ephesians 5:22-24, which outlines a wife's duty to submit, is often taught without context or nuance. Rarely is the verse above it, which says to "submit to one another," discussed. Moreover, the last verses of the chapter which make it clear that a man would not hate or hurt his own body, do not get much airplay in the church either.
This kind of uncritical, a-contextual acceptance of a half-developed theology leads many women to unconditional obedience to a man regardless of how he treats her, much like Whitney Houston. It rebuffs and chastises women who critically analyze its meaning much like slaves were chastised for questioning the ever popular scripture of slave masters, "slaves obey your masters," (Col. 3:22). Both the Ephesians 5:22-24 and Colossians 3:22 texts are biblical since they do appear in the Bible. But both have the potential to be misused to oppress and disenfranchise whole groups of people and to maintain the power structure and status quo.Moreover, in 2011, CBS News reported that a Glamour/Harris poll,
"30 percent of women who have been in a relationship have been abused. Of that 30 percent, 62 percent were hit, 33 percent were choked or strangled and 11 percent feared their partner would kill them. Even more shocking, another 30 percent of the women said they had experienced behaviors by their partners that can be categorized as abusive, whether they be emotional or physical."
With this kind of data, it seems incomprehensible that the church would continue to simply preach the gospel of female submission without critical reflection and further context. It is also sad that equal attention is not given to stressing that violence has no place in any dating or marital relationship. Finally, since 83 percent of Americans categorize themselves as Christians, according to a ABCNEWS/Beliefnet poll, this is relevant to a huge portion of our population.
Yet, Whitney's is not just a cautionary tale of how one's theological premise can lead them to accept abuse, disrespect, humiliation, infidelity and neglect. In the end, it was her faith that gave her the strength to finally realize that the God she believed in did not want her to have to continually make herself and her talent small, so that her husband could feel big.
Whitney recounts her mother's continually prodding her, telling her that the life she was living with drugs, abuse and chaos, with then-husband Bobby Brown, was not God's best for her. According to Houston, her mother, a strong Christian, reminded her of God's presence and power. Whitney says in the 2009 interview, "I began to pray. I said, 'God, if you will give me one day of strength, I will leave [this house and marriage].'" And one day, she did. Much like Tina Turner left her husband with only the clothes on her back, Whitney Houston left her home and husband with only a change of clothing.
The transformative power of her faith can be seen in her public discussions. When asked what she was addicted to by Diane Sawyer in 2002, Whitney shared a number of drugs and added that she was "addicted to making love [to Bobby Brown]." But when Oprah asked in 2009 who she loved, Whitney said, "I love the Lord!" And she credited that part of her faith that had her on the way to a comeback and full resilience.
In the end, Whitney Houston did not conquer every challenge that haunted her. And none of this excuses the decisions she ultimately made for her life. She owned that. But it is critical that we analyze the thinking and theology that animated her decision-making and at least helped to lead her to such a tragic place.
In the Christian tradition, good theology illuminates, liberates and pushes us to be our best selves. Bad theology takes bits and pieces of scripture out of context and threatens any who has the audacity to ask questions or to critically analyze the paradigm put forth by those in power.
Whitney's story is the story of millions of women. It is a cautionary tale that reiterates the importance of thinking critically even about matters of faith. It also invites remembrance of the core tenant of the faith, "God so loved the world that he gave his only son, that whosoever believed on him should not perish, but have everlasting life" (John 3:16). A God who does not want anyone to perish in the afterlife surely does not condone them perishing at the hands of another in this one.