Are you over 50? No this is not an advertisement for auto insurance from the AARP or for Tadalafil, but it's a notice from the Law Firm of Andrews and McCaffrey that you may be able to collect a substantial reward for suffering incurred by younger men and women who give you the impression they're attracted to you. Let's say that the young man or woman greeting you at the gym in the morning bats her eyelids and makes you feel that you're the one thing that has made it worthwhile to be sitting in front of the drafty door at 6 in the morning. He or she doesn't know you from Adam. They aren't aware of the beautiful soul hidden within an aging body, but still you persist in the delusion that there's something, perhaps even an oedipal transference that's accounting for an otherwise unlikely attraction. Because you're a human being and fully licensed in self-deception, you have little understanding of the fact that this younger person totally understands the impact they're having on you and is employing it to increase the feeling of power they can have over another individual. What better way to weather the slights of the dog eat dog world of competition that most young people face? Weeks pass and even though you don't know his or her name, you begin to imagine impassioned kisses. You begin to give serious consideration to giving up the husband or wife and the comfortable middlebrow life with all the conveniences (including short hops down to Boca on President's Day weekend) it's taken decades to create. You imagine a colorful bohemian existence replete with all the hot post-adolescent sexuality that's been missing from your life as you move into your new lover's tiny studio apartment in one of the few remaining parts of the outer boroughs that has yet to become gentrified. If any of this rings a bell then call our toll-free number to find out if you're eligible to receive compensation from a major class action suit. Would you rather hold on to a hopeless wish or have some money in your pocket? Call Andrews and McCaffrey today and our friendly consultants will discuss your predicament with you at no charge. Don't let a twenty something make themselves feel powerful at your expense.
{This was originally posted to The Screaming Pope, Francis Levy's blog of rants and reactions to contemporary politics, art and culture}