THE BLOG
05/22/2014 03:32 pm ET Updated 4 days ago

Did Wernher Von Braun Design the Modern Suppository?

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Was Wernher von Braun responsible for the design of the suppository? If you look at the old Movietone newsreels of the German V-2 rocket, you will see that the design has been totally ripped off by the makers of popular suppositories -- like Anusol.

There is no coincidence that there should be something in common between suppository and aeronautic design. Both ultimately have to deal with the question of black holes. Actually, when you think about it, a suppository of the Anusol variety, being much lighter than a V-2, would be more able to negotiate the average black hole. And let's face it, your average V-2 missile would have been far too big to make it into a black hole. If it did make it, it would require a helluva lot of Anusol suppositories to repair the damage. But let's now deal with the question of time travel, which is a central issue for anyone who has ever had to administer a suppository. It's not rocket science to put a suppository in orbit. Most students at a selective high school could easily do it and in fact mapping such a trajectory might easily come up on an entrance exam. Anyone with a half-assed knowledge of aeronautics could send a suppository to the moon. But the majority of time travelers don't even consider the Anusol suppository, which one might suspect can also be used for treating worms, when trying to enter a worm hole. But being far more maneuverable than your average spaceship, the Anusol suppository, which is designed to evaporate in dark hot areas, displays optimal deliquescence when it comes to adapting to the exigencies of time travel.