08/27/2013 12:55 pm ET Updated Oct 27, 2013

Who Has the Time?

Here's something that might surprise you, and I find it to be true across the board -- people who are both successful at what they do for a living and contribute positively to the lives of others have plenty of time on their hands. They're approachable and often available. People who don't consistently do unto others, seem frequently occupied and difficult to approach.

What's interesting about this trend, however, is that most of us believe it works the opposite way. It's as if we've become conditioned to think that it's good to be hectic, and distant, too.

First, let's talk about why thriving people are often accessible. In a word: clarity. These type of people walk around with little noise in their heads. So they're adept at recognizing opportunities when they arise -- whether in a work setting or a personal one. Those who don't have the time, or room in their lives, for new ventures or people have way too much activity going on upstairs.

On which side of this spectrum do you fall?

To me, the first step in moving toward the open and opportunistic side is to understand the following principle:

• Your feelings come from how much your head is filled with thought at any given moment. Your feelings do not come from other people or situations.

In fact, understanding this principle is what allows normal and temporary logjams of thought (and bad feelings) to wither away on their own. Not understanding it leads to confusion and then aloofness as a person looks for something on the outside to justify what he or she feels on the inside -- demanding an excess of thought and effort. Individuals who seem detached aren't less caring or capable than the next guy, they've just jammed their mind's predisposition to clear, so there's no space left for anything.

The message here is that true success isn't about building walls and blocking yourself off from other people or activities that don't appear to be up your alley. While it's not necessarily wrong to feel closed off, when you do, know that you're the one who's overanalyzing, bound up and not seeing straight. In other words, don't believe what you think when you feel this way -- simply carry on, open up and make time instead.

For more by Garret Kramer, click here.

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