05/26/2015 11:43 am ET Updated May 25, 2016

Thank You for Breaking My Heart

Dear ___________ ,

Thank you.

For tearing me apart. For making me question myself, in that month that I lost my faith and spent searching for the answers at the bottom of every liquor bottle. Right when I thought I had my recovery handled, you rearranged my life and were a gift.

Thank you for not believing in me, and for that one time you verbally ripped my heart to shreds on 8th Avenue, in protection of your self.

I see you. I've always seen you. From our first date, when I got so dizzy from déjà vu, and we talked about how we had to have known each other in a past life. To finding out that we had the same birthday. There are no coincidences.

I've always seen you. I am you. You can't run from what you are.

That never stopped you from running. From your heart and from your emotions, from every ounce of truth that I laid out in front of you. From the best sex of your life, ever. Remember that one night? My dirty talk spoke to parts of you that had never been in dialogue before, but shortly after, you pretended not to hear.

When you stopped listening, you never cared that it was me you were hurting because you were hurting so much too. All that pain that you carry around like a shield, in constant battle, repelling your own worth.

I almost hit your Achilles heal. We almost struck a bullseye together. We could've had it all.

If you ever slow down enough to think of me, I hope you'll accept how much I cared. I heard every word you said, and I understood your pain. I understood you.

I'm not sure you'll ever understand why, deep down, you loved me so much too. So instantaneously. Why we were electric, cosmic, short-lived yet legendary.

But I'm done looking for those answers. I'm done looking for you, hoping that I'll run into you one more time at the gym, or on the street, as we always did.

This is to let you know that I've stopped looking. Stopped searching. Because I found what I needed to find: myself. I found a part of you in me, but it doesn't hurt any longer.

The love I had for you was immediate, and it changed my life. I thank you for that. It made me understand what real, unconditional love was, because I never once asked for anything in return.

Sure, I hoped. I hoped you would feel a sliver of what I felt when I looked at you. When we would have those hours-long staring wars, in joyful silence.

Deep down, I know you did. You felt it too.

Mesmerized. I saw Creation in your eyes, and the memory of your laugh will always bring a smile to all of my senses. You are breathtaking. Beyond words beautiful.

One year later, I choose to say goodbye. My heart kisses your heart in hope that it can brave any storm. That you'll receive my peace is my last desire, of thousands, for you. I now retire, though I know that the love that has traveled between our souls life after reincarnated life remains, and so does my gratitude.

My wish for you is that this life gives you all that you can possibly dream of, and that when the next man who comes by tries to love you as much as I love you, you let him. Just let him. It might change your life, just as you've changed mine.


Self-help writer, spiritual coach, and healer, Garrett Paknis is the creator of, where he helps readers find their freedom and live a life full of purpose. He lives in downtown Manhattan, New York City. You can download his free eBook and schedule an intuitive coaching session here.