THE BLOG
10/29/2014 12:59 pm ET Updated Dec 29, 2014

The Republican Dictionary

Abortion: a∙bor∙tion n. Decision old white men think they should make rather than the pregnant woman, her family and doctor

Budget: budg∙et n. Something nobody in Congress wants to make, but everyone wants to talk about

Constitution: Con∙sti∙tu∙tion n. The most important document our country has because it contains the Second Amendment allowing militia groups and anyone else the right to have arsenals of weapons including assault rifles and large magazine clips anywhere they want

Compromise: com∙pro∙mise n. Accepting things you want, but not accepting anything else; getting 100% of what you want

Cooperation: co∙op∙er∙a∙tion n. Working solely with members of the Republican Party, especially Tea Partiers, to pass bills that only advance the Republican philosophy and agenda

Democracy: de∙moc∙ra∙cy n. Something America used to have, but that politicians are causing us to lose; increasing the power of the Republican Party to serve the job creators, not the takers, so they can restore our Republic

Democrat: Dem∙o∙crat n. A person whose political views don't make sense and who shouldn't be allowed to vote

Ebola: E∙bo∙la n. A deadly disease that politicians and the media are using to fear monger

Entitlements: en∙ti∙tle∙ments n. Programs like Medicaid, Medicare and Social Security that waste money, provide a safety net and cause dependency on welfare and government; creates laziness and focuses on veterans, the disabled and the elderly, rather than job creators

Equality: e∙qual∙i∙ty n. Giving rights and fair treatment to everyone who deserves it and believes as you do; Republicans know giving everyone equal rights is not a good idea

Facts: fact n. Statements the GOP often prefers to deny than believe

Fantasy: fan∙ta∙sy n. Imagining things that don't exist, such as not having a black president

Forgetfulness: for∙get∙ful∙ness adj. Convenient lapses of memory such as when you forget who won the White House in the last two elections

Gender gap: gen∙der gap n.; Statistical differences in the votes of men and women that illustrate why women shouldn't be allowed to vote

Government: gov∙ern∙ment n. A group of people elected to make laws and govern, but once in office, believe that less is better when it involves the environment, taxes, safety net programs, and job creation, but more is necessary when it involves women in the bedroom

Idea: i∙de∙a n. A thought; Republicans don't need any new ones, they can keep using those of the past

IDs: IDs n. A legal way to claim fraud in a voting system that doesn't have any; a way to suppress the vote of those who don't agree with your message or views

Inequality: in∙e∙qual∙i∙ty n. Equality is socialism, so disparity is good for democracy

Infrastructure: in∙fra∙struc∙ture n. The large-scale public transportation system that just exists, therefore no one needs to finance projects to repair roads and bridges or create new ones

Law: law n. The principles set out in the Bible that should also be binding for our country

Liberal: A belief by the media and Democrats who think Ted Cruz, Stephen King or Louie Gohmert are wrong in their views

Logic: log∙ic n. Getting what I want, when I want it, regardless of the needs and wishes of others, is just commonsense

Marriage: mar∙riage n. A union between one man and one woman...period

Math: math n. A creative budgeting system that can add two plus two, but not necessarily get four

Minorities: mi∙nor∙i∙ties n. Second class citizens who should be blocked from voting

Non-politician: non∙pol∙ti∙cian n. People, who are not elected, but who are big supporters of Republicans like Donald Trump, Ted Nugent and the Koch Brothers

NRA: NRA n. An organization that grades House members on their views on gun rights and gives most Republicans an A+

Obstructionist: ob∙struc∙tion∙ist n. Deliberately causing delays and impeding progress by Republicans like Mitch McConnell, John Boehner and Ted Cruz so Obama can't accomplish his agenda

Oligarchy: ol∙i∙gar∙chy n. When a small group of people control the government because they know what is best for everyone

Personhood: per∙son∙hood n. Acknowledging that more rights should be bestowed on a miniscule, second-old egg that may or may not become a human embryo than to an adult woman

Perspective: per∙spec∙tive n. Seeing things from only your own viewpoint because you know opinions of others who might disagree are wrong

Privatization: pri∙va∙ti∙za∙tion n. Transferring ownership from government run facilities to successful businessmen because they know better than the government how to run a business so it will make a profit for them and shareholders

Pro-Life: pro∙life adj. Mandating that women who are pregnant, regardless of the circumstances, give birth and get married so that there is a traditional family unit for the child

Republican: Re∙pub∙li∙can adj Republican Party; n. Someone who thinks they should rule America even if they have to rig the election to win; winning is what matters, not how you play the game

Scientist: sci∙en∙tist n. People who aren't Republicans who know about climate change

Stupidity: stu∙pid∙i∙ty n. Whatever a Democrat or liberal media person thinks, not what someone like Joni Ernst, Sarah Palin or Michelle Bachman would say

Supreme Court: Su∙preme Court n. Highest court; ruling with purist ideology and proud of their conservative, versus constitutional, positions

Tantrum: tan∙trum n. What children do when they don't get their way; filibuster is what Congress does

Taxes: tax∙es n. Amount of money a job creator has to pay to the government rather than being able to keep it and create more jobs

Theology the∙ol∙o∙gy n. Ruling America by religious principles and Christian ideals

Truth: truth n.; Statements conveying the way the GOP would like things to be; anything that will rally the base

Veterans: vet∙er∙ans n. People who are proud to fight wars for America's democracy and who we take care of when they return by finally allocating more money to the VA

Voters: vot∙ers n. Anyone who is 18 can register and cast a ballot even if they aren't qualified; voters should only be white men, married women, and those who believe in conservative values

Wage: wage n. Compensation for work that depends on the type of job you have--that is why CEOs should make more than 350 times what a worker makes

War: war n. Invading others for oil, to spread democracy, or to wipe out terrorists is okay

Welfare wel∙fare n. Money given to lazy people that gives them no incentive to work, while incentivizing corporations for their work is good business

NOTE: This dictionary contains mostly nouns and a few adjectives, but no verbs as the Republican Party takes no action.