04/08/2008 10:08 am ET Updated Nov 17, 2011

What a Bunch of Boobs

V2O nightclub in Long Beach has been holding a "Spring Break Breast Augmentation Contest Series" where six finalists go head-to-head in an apple-bobbing battle royal dubbed "Bobbing for Boobs." The winner will receive a free breast augmentation from plastic surgeon Dr. Karl Nguyen.

The promoter explained "We just thought that the No. 1 reason people come to the club is, of course, girls," he says. "So how would we attract that demographic? Plastic surgery. It's what they're into." [LA Times]

OMG, that's totes right! Girls are like sooooo into plastic surgery. And of course money, ice cream, boy bands, kittens, shiny objects and US Weekly.

And now for more heart-waring quotes from the article...

"One, a tiny young woman named Tracy Boi who accompanied her spirited limbo techniques with gracious kisses blown to the audience, seemed particularly excited. "It's always nice to get free boobies," she gushed before being whisked onto the dance floor by her friends." Another, who would identify herself only as "Lanle" and who appeared to have something nearing a C cup, explained her reason for joining the competition. "To get boobs. More self-esteem," she said. [LA Times]

Here's the thing (and apologies in advance if I am going completely against all I learned in my feminist theory classes here) I understand the fascination with breasts. In U.S. society breasts are these enchanted covered mysteries whereas in Europe bare breasts roam free. Things that are "taboo" are intriguing. Boobs are intriguing. I'm even intrigued by boobs (and I have a damn nice pair if I do say so myself). While it can be annoying to have people talk to your cleavage it's not a new phenom. Breasts have always been popular. Click to see this funny video my good pal Carol Hartsell made regarding making public boobery legal (woo-hoo for the new term I just made up) and what that would do to America.

Anyhoo back to the topic at hand. While I understand why a girl may long for a surgically enhanced set, Anyhoo back to the topic at hand. While I understand why a girl may long for a surgically enhanced set, I don't understand why some women don't realize that there is more to life than a perfect body. That if we all had the same set of huge knockers, life would be pretty boring. That it's our unique shapes and sizes that make each one of special and our unique minds and hearts that make us attractive. Yes, breasts are pretty darn cool. You know what else is cool, if Dr. Karl Nguyen donated his surgical services to rebuilding the faces of deformed children. (Check out Operation Smile at to learn about and get involved with people who are helping repair childhood facial deformities).

Reading quotes like "it's nice to get free boobs" and "more self-esteem" sends skeevy shivers through my heart. My heart that lives in my chest. My chest that holds up my boobs. (See it all goes back to boobs).

"Bobbing for boobs?" Maybe next month they'll do another contest series called "Pin the Tail on the Donkey for Penile Implants." ... Hot!

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